Day 3

Well, today's a bit of a write off as far as some of the challenges. I was up for about 22 hours, slept for a couple hours, up again now for a bit but pretty sure I'll be in bed soon. Had a fabulous morning with one of my best friends which leaves me inspired and pumped. So, that's awesome but at this point studying is not going to happen and I'm thinkin neither is the meditation, but I'm okay with that. Volunteering over the next few days and that's always inspiring. Will aim to fit in some studying and meditation along with continuing the photos over the next few day despite the wonky schedule. We'll see how the next few days go and will get back to a more regular schedule and back into some kind of swing of things next week.

Lookin forward to the music!

Ciao!

Daily photo 3

Day 2

Buon giorno! Come va?

Journal/Blog day 2

Was a little more successful with the meditation this time around. Got a few minutes in before I slept and a little more this evening before heading to work. Still struggling to clear my mind and focus but a little at a time I'll get there.

Was up around 5pm today and took and posted my photo for the day. Got into a cold shower again. I think I'm going to struggle to take a cold shower every day for 30 days as it's tough and I like really hot showers. But, I'll keep trying and we'll see what happens.

Spent almost an hour and a half on my Italian course today. I'm almost finished the second level (there are 5 levels, each with 4 units of 4 lessons). Bravo! Yay me!

Working on maintaining some inspiration. I see the words on my mirror and again on the computer at work. I find myself checking my attitude more often to ensure I'm looking at the positive and not just dwelling on the negative. :)

The next few days are going to be wonky as I'm going to be essentially functioning on naps. As I mentioned in the last entry I work nights but I'm off for the next few days and will be volunteering at the Folk Festival (woot!) so I'll be a little all over the place. This puts getting up early out of the running because if one is going off of naps what is early? Ha ha. Anyway, I'm aiming to keep up with the rest of the tasks. Wish me luck!

Questo è tutto per ora.
Ciao!

Daily photo 2

Day 1

Buon giorno!

My journal/blog for day 1.
So far so good.

Found my inspiration for the month:

For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; And for everything you gain, you lose something else. It is about your outlook towards life. You can either regret or rejoice.

(photo here - it is my current desktop background at work and a printed copy is on my mirror)

I was able to get up early (for me) today at 4:30pm - I work nights so I get home between 7:30 and 8:00am and am often not up till around 7:00pm lately. Therefore, I did well with this one. :)

Took and posted my photo this afternoon (see previous post) and had a cold shower - wow is that ever tough to get into intially, had to start warm and work into colder, but I did it. And as far as my studying I spent the past 1.5-2 hours working on my Italian course. Parla con me?

My challenge today has definitely been the meditation. I couldn't focus or get my thoughts to stop long enough to be successful before work, maybe I'll have better luck this morning before I sleep. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Until then remember: Attitutde is a little thing that makes a big difference.

Ciao!

Daily photo 1

30 Day Challenge

*Inspired by: High Existence

Was reading articles on high existence and came across one on 30 challenges for 30 days (see above link) and was inspired to take on a few for myself through the month of August. The ones I have chosen are:

#3 Take one picture each day (Hard)
This one gets harder nearing the end of the challenge because at one point you will run out of the easy shots. This one is great to combine with other challenges, a great way to make a photo diary!
--> I will try to post each photo here.

#13 Study a topic you’d like to master each day (Hard)
Always wanted to know everything about Animal Behaviour? Psychology? Physics? Philosophy? Educate yourself without school! Pick a topic, plan at least a lecture or an assignment each day and become a genius on your passion!
--> I've been slowly working on learning Italian for an upcoming trip and have been slacking so this should help me get back on track. Maybe by the end of the month I'll post in Italian.

#18 Inspire yourself each day (Easy)
Studies have shown that people who are inspired are happier, nicer, productive and will not stray away from their chosen path if life gets difficult. So print a quote and tape it to the mirror. Have an inspirational video as your starting page. Use an inspirational mantra for meditation. Get a principle to live by. In short, get your dose of inspiration each day!
--> Now to find an appropriate quote.

#19 Take a cold shower each day (Intermediate)
Cold showers are great for uplifting ones mood, cure stress related diseases, to strengthens ones immune system and to make your skin beautiful. You can read the reports of some HEthens that have been trying it for some time over here!
--> I don't mind the occasional cold shower but a month straight...

#23 Wake up early each day (Intermediate)
It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom. – Aristotle
--> I like my sleep, this should be interesting.

#24 Keep a journal (Intermediate)
Great for memory, reflection and especially awesome to look back to in the future and remember the good old times when you did these challenges!
--> I'm going to keep my journal here so aiming for daily posts.

#26 Combine challenges (Easy)
Take a photo of yourself reading a different book at a different location. Take 10,000 steps on a new route to meet a stranger and ask for a recipe to try out. Do all challenges, a different one each day. Wake up early to make time to meditate, practice self compassion and yoga. Finish it off with a cold shower!
--> I think my list covers this.

#29 Meditate each day (Intermediate)
--> Seems like a good way for a little "me time" every day.


And so here begins my 30 days challenges. :)

Tim Harford: Trial, error and the God complex | Video on TED.com

Entertaining and thought provoking talk that I thought I'd share.

Wake up and dream

Live the life you always wanted.
Take a leap of faith and reach,
no one's going to do it for you.
What are you waiting for?
What's holding you back?
I'd hazard a guess
that it's you.
Your own fears,
worries,
and what ifs...
Let them go.
They don't matter.
All we have is here and now,
better make the best of it.
Or you'll only be left with
thoughts of what might have been.
Better to regret what you've done
than to regret that you never tried.

K. Flay

Was introduced to her music and this video by a friend of mine and I'm diggin it. Check it out!

K. Flay live at the Pheonix

I miss you

Maybe I do...

but maybe what I really miss is the idea of you...

Some things are better left unsaid, some questions better off unasked, but some demand and persist until you don't have a choice...

Dear old friend,

What do I mean to you now? If anything at all...

You say you'll be in my city for a show but won't be able to visit - so why did you tell me? Were you testing to see what response you would get? Looking for a reaction? Testing the water maybe...I don't know what to make of this.

Then, a random three word message: "I miss you" - my mind goes off on all kinds of tangents with nowhere to land because I don't know where you stand and I'm scared to ask. Uncertain as to whether or not I really want an answer.

My mind wanders. I remember seemingly simpler times...easy conversation about anything and everything...curling up on the couch watching movies...lying on the trampoline to watch the stars...dancing...cheesecake...late night coffee...you were my rock, the one I could lean on, and trust to catch me - or carry me on occasion - and I want to thank you for that.

I also want to apologize for any time that I have taken you for granted, I never meant to...

--

Time marches on. Life gets in the way. Things get complicated - though this is likely only because we make it that way. Choices are made, chances are missed, and we go on trying to make the best of what we've got.

--

I miss you. I miss the friendship that we had. My mind reels with what ifs, and questions of what might have been, despite knowing I'll never get any answers because I can't change the past, I can't go back and redo things.

I reached a point of acceptance - at least I thought I did - accepting that our lives went different directions and I don't mean what I once did to you. But that doesn't stop me from caring or thinking about you and wondering if you're happy.

Maybe the connection we shared is still there just waiting for the right contact to reconnect and complete the circuit... I miss what we shared before and part of me continues to wonder if there should have been something more... I'm afraid to ask. I don't know what I would do with the answer and I don't know if I could handle it. Maybe it's all in my head...

--

You are one of the few that I have ever felt really connected with, believed that you really got me and I'm thankful for having shared that. I'm thankful that you have been a part of my life and will cherish what we shared and the memories we created. I hope that I've been good to you and have been the friend you needed me to be.

I would love the chance to get to know you the way I used to and to build on the easy friendship we've shared but I leave that up to you. I'm afraid to open myself up to find it to be one-sided but I'm willing if you are.

With love from your old friend

one more pill

spewing words into the void
talking
not really saying anything
not believing most of the words that come out of your own mouth
but still talking
why?
to hear the sound of your own voice?
to drown out the frightening silence?
to stop the voices in your head?
do you even know?
probably doesn't really matter
no one's really listening anyway
they're in their own little worlds
dealing with their own skeletons and demons
do we even really know each other?
there are so many things that allow us to connect
but very little that actually keeps us connected
that requires effort
and care
and the risk of getting hurt
and most of us are not okay with that
most of us aren't willing
to open up that much to ourselves
let alone to someone else
and we're so self-absorbed that we probably wouldn't even notice
or care
if someone opened the door
to let us into their world for a while
it's sad really
so many of us
spend our lives
alone together
no wonder there's a pill out there for every problem
no one wants to talk about what's actually going on
we want that quick fix
the bandaid solution
doesn't matter if it's not really a solution
it's better than it is without it

we are a damaged species
and we just keep digging the knife in
a little further
a little more
one more pill
and maybe it won't hurt anymore...

The rules of life from a wise, old homeless cat:

1) Ask for help when you need it.
2) Accept help when it's offered.
3) Take only what you need.
4) Respect the "Rules of the House."
5) Send a thank you note. (Or a dead mouse.)
6) Be open to new friends.
7) Be true to who you are.
8) If you find something that give you joy - like sailing by a woman on her way upstairs - do it with all your heart.

It would be a better world if we followed Spike's rules of life. Yes, I think he has it exactly right.

(This entry is from a story titled "The Purrfect Guest" by Vicki Kitchner printed in Chicken Soup for the Soul: What I learned from the Cat)

Need to write...

...but I don't know what it is that I want to say. I can feel it inside and the need for it to get out but I'm not sure what words to use to express myself.

--

Feeling lost and alone
though I know I'm not

alone.

--

Confused and uncertain and not knowing how to respond. Proud of what I made but unsure what to do with the reaction. No harm no foul, right? I'm not sure. I guess that depends on where you're standing.

--

Going round in circles in my head.
Going nowhere fast.
Doesn't really matter.
I guess it just wasn't meant to last.

I can handle anything for 60 seconds...

Everything is temporary...

Sexy is an attitude

It's not a body.
It's not a shape.
It's not a colour.
It's not the clothes (or lack of).
It's not the hair.

It's an attitude.
It's a state of mind.
It's you.
It's me.
It's everyone.

Chew on that for a while.

Thoughts on lyrics

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

~Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons

It's interesting to me how I relate to different lyrics. I really connect with these few lines lately though I couldn't really tell you why. I guess it has something to do with my state of mind recently and the questions that run through my head without answers. Curiosities, questions, decisions, no answers, no making any decisions. Concerned about hurting those close to me without meaning to, without knowing. I am who I am and I accept that. I also accept the fact that many don't understand and I can't explain. Ups, downs, laughing, crying, wanting to break free, wanting to curl up and hide. It's all there and yet it's nothing. It is what it is and I just have to stay on and ride it out. Somewhere along the way it evens out, it has to. If nothing else, I do know that there are a few I can count on to be along for the ride and regardless of what happens they'll still love me and accept me as I am. That I am grateful for, as I know not everyone can say that. The journey continues and I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and enjoy the scenery. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way and will keep in mind that I'm beautiful like me.

"Who's gonna miss you when you're gone?"
- Danny Michel

The things that connect us...

vs the things that keep us connected.

They are not the same. Do you understand the difference? As technology increases there are more ways to connect with others than ever before but are they really keeping us connected or pushing us farther apart? How many people do you interact with electronically that you have never met face to face? Probably more than you've interacted with in person. Scary thought. The world is not going to be taken over by robots, the way technology is headed we're going to become robots. We're going to be incapable of real interactions, feelings, life. What kind of life would it be to never really hear someone laugh, or see them smile? What would it be like to never feel the touch of another, never breathe in someone else's smell? I don't even want to imagine. I know it's a little contradictory to be putting this out on the internet given that I'm talking about human interaction vs technological interaction but whatever. Give me a break, I'm just trying to share some thoughts. I do my best to use technology to set up real interactions and keep in touch with those who are too far away to visit easily. I try minimize the technological interactions as I like real life. I like getting hugged and breathing in the scent of someone else. I like conversations over coffee that end in fits of laughter. There's something to be said about being able to capture moments in time in a way that makes them indefinite but you've got to remember to live these moments too because without them we have nothing.

Live every moment or you'll miss something.

From the movie "Synecdoche, New York"

Minister: Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.

Random quote found via stumbleupon

Think of a window:
it's a hole in a wall but through it
the whole room fills with light.
Similarly, when the mind is open
and free from his own thoughts,
life unfolds effortlessly,
and the world is filled with light.

Chuang Tzu

And just because it's October...

History of Halloween

There is mixed information as to the origins of Halloween despite it being one of the most popular party dates for adults in America. Despite not being connected with a particular religion, Halloween manages to combine spirituality, death, and religious beliefs together in our minds. Most sources seem to agree that the name "Halloween" has come from “All Hallows Eve” which referred to the night before “All Hallows Day” or All Saints Day (a Christian holiday). On this day they honour all the Saints in heaven through prayers and offerings.

Halloween is also connected with the Celtic tradition of Samhain. Samhain marked the end of summer and beginning of winter, also referred to as the Celtic New Year. On this night it is believed that the boundary between the living and dead becomes blurred and the spirits of the dead are able to return to earth. Costumes were used by people to deter spirits from possessing their bodies or making themselves unrecognizable to the spirits.

Trick-or-treating is another favourite tradition associated with this holiday. Who doesn’t like free candy? As to where this tradition comes from, the results are mixed. Some information says that it may come from the All Souls Day parades during which poor folks would beg for food, then receive “soul cakes” in return for prayers for the dead and “souling” – the practice of leaving food and wine for roaming spirits. Other information relates it to Samhain traditions of opening doors and providing food to the wandering dead which led to people dressing up as wandering dead and demanding food. And still other information points to it being a way to counteract the pranks and destruction that would occur with the holiday.

And we can’t forget the Jack-o-lantern. Again, the background for this is unclear. There is some Irish folklore that relates back to a man named Jack who tricked the devil then made a deal with him that resulted in him being refused entry into both Heaven and Hell. He was provided with a single ember to light his way which was placed in a hollowed out turnip to keep it glowing longer. Pumpkins were found to be more plentiful in America so they were used instead of turnips. Pumpkins are also recognized a part of the Native Americans’ sacred trinity of squash, beans, and maize – which is also seen in the form of candy corn and as part of Halloween decorations.

So, this Halloween take a moment to remember where your own traditions come from and watch out for spirits looking for a body.

(Information gathered from urbanlegends.about.com, www.history.com, and www.theholidayspot.com)

Forever in memories

I'm slowly beginning to accept the reality that I am no longer an important part of your life. As I think about it, I probably haven’t been for a while and it likely goes both ways. That makes me sad even knowing that it’s part of life, especially when life takes us in different directions. I thought I would see you, talk to you, more than I have. I don’t blame you. It’s just the way things went. I can’t help but think sometimes where we might be had a couple things happened differently. I guess it just fits the idea that people are in your life, or you’re in theirs, for a reason or a season. Occasionally there are bonds made that last a lifetime but these are few and far between. The elusive gem that we’re all searching for, and some of us are lucky enough to find. You and I were not meant to be lifetime friends, well not close ones anyway. I’m coming to accept it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Anyway, just wanted to put it out there. It is what it is and that’s okay. I just want you to know that I love you and I’m grateful for the time we shared and the person you helped me become.

9/11

Just realized that it's now 9/11. It's weird to think about. Definitely a good reminder of our mortality and how quickly things can change. Also, makes one question some of the things we consider truth, given that there are so many conflicting stories/beliefs around what happened that day. There's someone to blame yet the investigation is ongoing...because that makes perfect sense. It has been often shown that the best way to control people is through fear. When people are afraid they look for someone to tell them what to do so that they no longer have to be afraid or they at least have a specific target for their fear and therefore feel more in control and less afraid. Fear is often a strong and uncomfortable emotion for people. We look for ways to reduce the fear or remove the object of our fear. For example, someone who is afraid of the dark turns lights on therefore removing the source of their fear. Caught part of a show the other day looking at the conspiracy theories around the 9/11 events of 2001. Hard to figure out what the truth is when there are so many ways to interpret any given data/observations/happenings/etc. Some make more sense than others to different people. I still find it hard to believe that the towers collapsed solely as a result of being hit. Mainly because I don't understand how impact 3/4 of the way up would effect the support/foundation of the floors below. I understand that the floors above where the impact was would lose support and come down but why would that cause the whole building to fall apart? I know there was something said about the way the building was built in the first place and something about how the momentum of the falling floors would cause the ones below to collapse but I don't get that. They supported the weight of the above floors before why would the lack of space between floors change that? Anyway....that's my little rant for now. Don't know if it makes any sense and it doesn't really matter. It was a tragedy but it's in the past, all we can hope for now is that we as people in general learned something from it.

I raise my proverbial glass to those who lost their lives, were injured, or lost loved ones and hope that over time they have been able to find some kind of peace with what happened.

Hello,

Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can here me
Is there anyone home?

Random "a-ha!" moment

Do you ever feel that something happened because you needed it to? Someone came into you life at a particular time or you gained a piece of information at just the right moment? I've felt this and believe that some things are just meant to happen. The things that help us to remain headed in the direction we are supposed to go. I don't think everything's set in stone prior to things happening but I do think there are certain things we are meant to do and experience.

Last week was a rough week for me emotionally. I was a little all over the place and to some degree or other questioning a lot of things in my life. Sunday morning when I came home from work I picked up Chuck Klosterman's book - SEX, DRUGS, AND COCOA PUFFS (A LOW CULTURE MANIFESTO) - and read the following:

"No woman will ever satisfy me. I know that now, and I would never try to deny it. But this is actually okay, because I will never satisfy a woman, either."

My first thought reading this was "what?" but as I continued to read it made perfect sense. In the first chapter/essay of the book he talks about what movies and general culture has done to our expectations of what love and relationships should be. He uses When Harry met Sally as an example and discusses the fact that this is rarely how it goes in life. He states that more often the scenerio is that one person falls for their friend and the friend has no idea and in most cases does not return the feelings, thus leaving the person likely shit out of luck. Klosterman generally points out the fact that hollywood and our culture more generally has created these unrealistic expectations that we all measure our relationships against one way or another to be left unsatisfied because they don't match up. In reading this I came to realize that I need to stop wondering about what might be, might have been, etc. as realistically it's never going to be. Reality is never going to match the "hollywood ideal" or for that matter, my own mind's creation. It just doesn't work that way. I've established that I need to appreciate what I have and stop worrying about what I don't have. Focus on what's right in front of me and making it the best it can be. Accept my life for what it is and the fantasies for what they are and the fact that they will never be one and the same unless I base my fantasies on reality instead of trying to do it the other way around.

Thanks Klosterman, I needed that.

Life is what it is. Take it for that and nothing more.

LOVE AND THE REALITY

HOW DO I LET YOU KNOW WHO I REALLY AM

WHEN IT'S SO HARD TO OPEN UP 'CAUSE IT'S SO HARD TO FORGET PAIN

MEMORIES COME TO MIND BLADES GO THROUGH THE HEART

TEARS COME INTO EYES THE SOUL RIPS APART

HELP ME TO FIGHT WHAT NOW SHOULD NOT EXIST

HELP ME STAND UP TO FEAR SO I CAN HAVE WHAT I HAVE MISSED

I'M TRUE TO ME TO YOU I'LL NEVER LIE

I'LL KNOW IF YOU'RE NOT HONEST BY LOOKING IN YOUR EYES

A HURTING HEART IS SOMETHING I HOPE YOU NEVER WILL ENDURE

IT NEVER LEAVES TOO SOON OF THAT YOU CAN BE SURE

INSTEAD IT LINGERS ON NOT HINTING WHERE IT ENDS

EVEN IF YOU POUR IT OUT TO YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND

WHERE ARE ANSWERS STORED AND WHO HOLDS THE KEYS

WHO CAN HELP ME OPEN UP THE PRISON INSIDE OF ME

IF YOU CAN BE REAL HELP TO GUIDE ME THROUGH

I MAY BE ASKING A LOT BUT I WOULD DO IT FOR YOU

(found this in the front of a 12 step book and could relate to it, signature at the bottom of the page was illegible, so the author is unknown)

What if...

This has to be one of the worst tracks for my train of thought to go down. It causes me to question every choice I've made that has gotten me to where I am. I wonder what might have happened if I had done this instead of that. I wonder if there's still a possibility of rekindling the past. Things I shouldn't wonder if I want to live in today and appreciate and take care of what I have but I can't help it. It's just the way my mind works. Something's off lately, something seems to be missing but I don't know what. Obviously, if I did know I could do something about it, at least theoretically. I wonder about past relationships that have changed or been lost. I wonder about the ones I love and have loved and wonder if they think of me. I want to know if I missed something amazing and if so, will I get another chance to experience it? Too many questions leading to more questions, driving me in circles of confusion. I don't want to lose what I have but I can't help the curiousity of what I could have had if I had made a different choice. There was passion and care and love and I didn't take it when I had the chance. Tried to obtain it at another possible opportunity but nothing came of it. Maybe that means something and I should let it go. If only it were that easy...my brain, and apparently my heart, don't work that way. I am who I am and the choices I've made have gotten me here. I need to find a way to accept that for what it is and go from here. I need to stop living in my head, in the past, and live in today for tomorrow. I can't go back so why can't I stop thinking about it. I need a good cry, a good friend, and a hug.

The Wiccan Rede (Full Version)

Bide within the Law you must, in perfect Love and perfect Trust.

Live you must and let to live, fairly take and fairly give.

For tread the Circle thrice about to keep unwelcome spirits out.

To bind the spell well every time, let the spell be said in rhyme.

Light of eye and soft of touch, speak you little, listen much.

Honor the Old Ones in deed and name,

let love and light be our guides again.

Deosil go by the waxing moon, chanting out the joyful tune.

Widdershins go when the moon doth wane,

and the werewolf howls by the dread wolfsbane.

When the Lady's moon is new, kiss the hand to Her times two.

When the moon rides at Her peak then your heart's desire seek.

Heed the North winds mighty gale, lock the door and trim the sail.

When the Wind blows from the East, expect the new and set the feast.

When the wind comes from the South, love will kiss you on the mouth.

When the wind whispers from the West, all hearts will find peace and rest.

Nine woods in the Cauldron go, burn them fast and burn them slow.

Birch in the fire goes to represent what the Lady knows.

Oak in the forest towers with might, in the fire it brings the God's

insight. Rowan is a tree of power causing life and magick to flower.

Willows at the waterside stand ready to help us to the Summerland.

Hawthorn is burned to purify and to draw faerie to your eye.

Hazel-the tree of wisdom and learning adds its strength to the bright fire burning.

White are the flowers of Apple tree that brings us fruits of fertility.

Grapes grow upon the vine giving us both joy and wine.

Fir does mark the evergreen to represent immortality seen.

Elder is the Lady's tree burn it not or cursed you'll be.

Four times the Major Sabbats mark in the light and in the dark.

As the old year starts to wane the new begins, it's now Samhain.

When the time for Imbolc shows watch for flowers through the snows.

When the wheel begins to turn soon the Beltane fires will burn.

As the wheel turns to Lamas night power is brought to magick rite.

Four times the Minor Sabbats fall use the Sun to mark them all.

When the wheel has turned to Yule light the log the Horned One rules.

In the spring, when night equals day time for Ostara to come our way.

When the Sun has reached it's height time for Oak and Holly to fight.

Harvesting comes to one and all when the Autumn Equinox does fall.

Heed the flower, bush, and tree by the Lady blessed you'll be.

Where the rippling waters go cast a stone, the truth you'll know.

When you have and hold a need, harken not to others greed.

With a fool no season spend or be counted as his friend.

Merry Meet and Merry Part bright the cheeks and warm the heart.

Mind the Three-fold Laws you should three times bad and three times good.

When misfortune is enow wear the star upon your brow.

Be true in love this you must do unless your love is false to you.

These Eight words the Rede fulfill:

"An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will"

From http://www.wicca.com/celtic/wicca/rede.htm

the writing on the wall

tells you what to do
who to call
and where to go

sometimes you understand
and other times
it's incomprehensible

but it's always there
regardless
of whether or not
you get it

a piece of advice
that you can take
or leave behind

that choice is yours
but the writing on the wall
always remains

Dreams and memories

I had a dream about you last night.
~I haven't thought about you in months.~
I stole a phone.

We ran away laughing.

You told me you had six new tattoos.
~I remember the flaming evil smiley face.~
I slipped and fell into your arms.
~And fell all over again.~
Your touch felt so real, so familiar.

~Surprised me to remember so clearly.~
You said you loved me.
~I melted.~
I woke up;

hazy and confused,
feeling lost and alone.
~Broke my heart, again.~

just the wind

Arthouse theatre
thunder in the background
rain pounding at the door
some ungodly hour
and you could swear
you heard a knock at the door
you don't know how
but you know
this is not
the opportunity
you were waiting for
again
but louder
there's no denying it now
but you continue
to pretend
it's just the wind
and nothing more

You'll never soar

if you don't let go
of what's holding you down

Strange things

It leaves a weird feeling and uncertainties when one is told to be careful about what one says to who in regards to people that one thought one was able to speak more or less freely with.

Dear friend,

You fascinated me. You still do.

You have inspired me in so many ways. Lots of which you probably don't even know.

You helped shape the person I was, am, and will become. I don't think you know what you've meant to me since when we were together I don't think I knew, and I definitely did not have the words. And now that we're apart, I've lost the chance to share the words that I have found.

Maybe this letter will find you and if it does I hope it finds you well. I am who I am because of you. Sometimes I wonder who I would be if you had not been there when you were but I'm always glad that I am me and you were there. I like who I am even if sometimes I spend too much time in my head, in the past, and wondering what might have been. I am here, in the now and looking forward to what comes next.

Thank you friend, for being you and allowing me to be me. I send my love to you wherever you may be and wonder if you ever think of me...

~Forbsie

Love letters to the past

Writing love letters to the past. To you, to him, to her, even to me. It may seem like a futile task but really it’s a labour of love. A way of recognizing, accepting, and maybe even appreciating, what was and what could never be. A way of saying thank you, and giving a nod to what has made me who I am. No one needs to read them but they are available if you want to. I just put pen to paper and let the words flow, remembering, reliving, just being. Feeling the love and leaving it there to share with someone, no one, everyone. It is what it is. Take it or leave it. If it works for you, great! If not, I wish you luck in finding something that does.

This is me now signing off. Sending my love. xo

Something to think about

90 people get the swine flu and everyone wants to wear a mask.
A million people have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom.

(Found using stumbleupon http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2EgOT3/i143.photobucket.com/albums/r140/rwruppel/Swineflu.jpg)

"Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no whenever you don't want to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you're doing here. Believe in kissing."

- Eve Ensler (author of The Vagina Monologues)

Faith

Faith is often blind, a given because it's what you have been told your entire life, but what happens when you question it? When you can no longer believe blindly, just because someone is telling you to? The idea of faith fascinates me, particularly when it comes to religion. The religious faith that some people possess is almost unbelievable. The way that people can take what they are being told and incorporate it without question is something I don't understand. What is also interesting to me, is how the level of security one has with their faith impacts how they handle questions and conversations involving religion and beliefs. From what I have observed, one who is secure in his/her faith is less argumentative and more willing to just generally discuss. They will agree to disagree as needed. On the other hand, one who is less secure and therefore likely has more of his/her own questions that need answers, is more argumentative and more apt to aim at convincing someone else that his/her beliefs are correct. I’ve noticed that the ones that are not entirely sure and potentially even questioning their own beliefs are also more likely to be defensive if you bring up something contradictory to their beliefs. Where someone who’s faith is solid won’t argue with you as they won’t be swayed from what they believe regardless of what you put in front of them.

Just a little something to think about.

Time flies

So, I can't believe it's already April.....that's crazy. Time goes way too fast. So much has changed in the past few weeks and yet everything seems so much the same. I got my hands on a number of things from my childhood as my parents are downsizing. Some of the photos are pretty funny. Maybe I'll post a couple when I have a chance, we'll see. Interesting to see how things have changed when you look back at where you've been in contrast to where you are. Something else to consider is the fact that a photo is a physical reminder of a specific moment in time. Things are not the same and you are no longer the person in that photo. This comes to mind from a comment a friend of mine made in this regard. Anyway, just got to go with it or life will leave you behind.

That's my random ramblings for this morning....I need sleep.....

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." – Ernest Hemingway

"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature." – Frank Lloyd Wright

Challenge

Well, I've decided to take on 101 things in 1001 days. You can follow my progress here: http://erin101thingsin1001days.blogspot.com/ if you're interested. There's also a link there to more info on the challenge.

Random Quotes

Watch your thoughts; they become words.Watch your words; they become actions.Watch your actions; they become habits.Watch your habits; they become character.Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
—Lao-Tze

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
—Will Rogers

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
—Robert Wilensky

We learn something every day, and lots of times it’s that what we learned the day before was wrong.
—Bill Vaughan

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
—Cyril Connolly

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
—Ellen Parr

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.
—Oscar Wilde

Random joke found on the Psychology Today webpage

How do you get a nun pregnant?

You dress her up like an alter boy, of course.

A dashboard Jesus

A dashboard Jesus, the religious equivalent of a hula girl.

Not really sure what to think. As a non-believer I can’t say I find it offensive. More curious than anything, I suppose. I can’t imagine who would buy it. I’m sure many find it funny, but why would they spend money on it? Though, I guess somebody must or they wouldn’t make them. I wonder what Jesus would think if he were around. Personally, I’d be a little weirded out to find a small version of me intended to sit on the dash of one’s car. But maybe that’s just me. Maybe he’d think it’s cool. I suppose for some a dashboard Jesus may be their way of having their own personal Jesus, as various people sing and preach about. A potentially warped idol but whatever works for you. This is just my two cents. Take it or leave it as you wish.

(Written October 26, 2007 Just found it and thought I'd post it because it amuses me.)

Double standard

It's funny that because I work night shifts it is perfectly acceptable for me to have breakfast at the bar but it's shocking and wrong for me to have a drink when I get home before I go to bed.

Interesting....

Sometimes

Sometimes there is so much to say
but no one to listen.

Photo webpage

Well, I've been playing around with my webpage again (fotosbyforbsie.ca) and I think I've got a set up I'm going to stick with. Originally I wanted to do various galleries but that's proving too much work for me so instead I am posting images one at a time and categorizing them. If you get a chance check it out and let me know what you think.



Cheers!

Worried angel

Where do I go from here?

Where do I go from here? A question I ask often these days. It's ingrained that I should move forward, move up, gain something. If that makes any sense. Take on more, gain more responsibilities, more money, more prestige, challenge myself. Why? Is there a reason I need to keep striving for something more? Is there something wrong with being content where one is, with what one already has?

From icanhascheezburger.com

Everything in between

I am strength
I am fear

I am the familiar
and the unknown

I am everything
you want me to be
and nothing
that you think I am

I am lost and forgotten
and yet a memory
that never fades

I am the first
I am the last
I am the beginning
the end
and everthing in between

Missing you

I miss you.
I miss the simplicity.

When did things get complicated?
When did life get hard?

I remember the long afternoons,
spent doing anything, nothing,
it didn't matter,
as long as it was us.

How did we go from being so close
to being so far apart?

I want the simplicity back.

...

I miss you.

And I can't help but wonder
if you miss me too...

...

Sometimes you can read me like an open book...
and sometimes I wonder if you know me at all...

Life...

where is it going? how much control do we really have? do you take control and do what you want or do you allow others to control the direction your life goes? stuck in the middle of knowing and not knowing and feeling very lost and without direction... i don't know where i'm going... i don't know where i want to be going... but regardless, life goes on...

Do you know what it takes

to give someone your heart?

Thoughts on technology

Technology brings us together and at the same time tears us apart. You can have a room full of people talking but no one is talking with anyone present. How screwed up is that? Have intentions to spend time with a friend but as soon as they're home they're calling someone else, sending emails, and playing with their iphone. Feel real special when left to entertain yourself at their house. Again, screwed up. Technology allows us to communicate in so many ways that were never dreamed possible until recently. Technology is what allows me to put this out there for you to read and consider. So, it's good and it's bad. It allows us to see the world in a way that we never could before. It allows us to go to places that we can't physically go see. It brings the world to us. But at what cost? What are we missing out on by being so technological? What's happening to simple human interaction? We're social creatures. We need interaction and physical contact. Technology allows all kinds of interaction but it tends to cut out the physical contact. And where does that leave us? Technology is the reason many people have no penmenship skills, or spelling skills for that matter. It also plays a role in fostering social awkwardness while in contrast creating a safe way for those who are uncomfortable to communicate with others. Ironic. Technology is what it is. It's the future, whether we like it or not. I just ask that you don't put technogadgits ahead of those who mean something to you. Put too much into technology and you'll become it, you'll lose what makes you human if you aren't careful. And don't forget, even the biggest grump needs a hug every once in a while.

Temptation

Temptation is a twisted kind of evil.

--

I could feel it
but he said it
and made it tangible
made it real

--

desire
passion
risk

knowing that giving in
may result
in losing everything

--

left behind
left wanting
left wondering
left without answers
but many questions

--

excitement
in the unknown
the untouchable
the thing you cannot have

knowing you can't have it
makes it something you want more
no matter how illogical that is
or how good you've got it

--

Temptation is a twisted kind of evil.

Questions and answers

Many questions and uncertainty of whether or not I really want the answers. Got a partial answer to some today and don't really know what to do with that information. My brain works in strange ways and this doesn't help.

There are some questions you don't ask because either way the answer is not beneficial except to ease the curiosity though it may result in a different curiosity leaving one no better off than they were before the question. I'm going in circles figuratively and feeling it literally, which doesn't really make sense but what are you going to do about it? Not much to do about it.

Life is what it is. It doesn't claim to be easy or make sense. It throws curve balls at you just when you think you're starting to figure it out... The world inside my head is an interesting place but I'd recommend you only stay for a visit as it can be a strange place to live...

Crazy

The random things you learn through just listening to those around you and snooping around on facebook...

Random update

Well, I was in Calgary over the weekend to see my cousin get married. Very exciting for them and it was nice to see the family. Also got to see my other cousin's new house, gorgeous. Me = jealous.

For myself, been busy working though recently cut back hours at one job so will have a little more time for myself. Slowly working my way through my photography course as well as working on learning HTML to get my own web page set up. It's a slow process but I'm getting there.

On the opposite, my man's not getting the hours he'd like to at work but at least he's still working. Could be worse. We get a little more time together these days. Looking forward to having a week off together come August and appreciating the time we have as it comes.

That's all for now.

Cheers!

Here's to new beginnings

Here's to new beginnings, not necessarily endings creating them but a fresh start none the less. There are so many ways these come about and often without us even really noticing. Though sometimes they are really obvious as well. A change in perspective and a new way of looking. Happiness, sadness, fear and excitement. A promise. A new life. A forever remembered soul and a tear shed on a pillow. We are where we are and only time will tell where we go from here. Life is funny but regardless of what happens we keep going. So here's to new beginnings and whatever they may bring.

Blacksmith

Too late for love

Too late for love

Now left to wonder
what might have been
but knowing
this is a question
that can never be answered

A question
that will torment
randomly
and univited

Thoughts
fleeting
few and far between
but never forgotten

Too late for love
such a tragedy
that what could have been
never had a chance
and will never be known
except in imagination

Random thought from Monday

It's weird to have things pointed out to you about the person you are when you're sort of aware of them but do not have any idea what to do about, particularly when you realize why you do what you do and it's not something you have contol over.

My father's daughter

I am my father's daughter
the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I am a product of my environment
and this is what I have to work with:
the things my mother has taught me,
the lessons my life has shown.
Challenges have taken me
up, down, and around.
I am who I am because of where I've been
and who I become depends on where I go,
but for better or worse,
I am
my father's daughter

(May 4, 2009)

Take me there

Take me there
to where you are
I want to touch you
feel you
breathe you in

Take me there
so I can just be
I want to know
what it's like
in your arms

Take me there
without question
I just want to follow
along the long
way you go

Take me there
to where you are
I want to be
skin on skin
breathing you in


(Inspired by: http://blanzeflor.deviantart.com/art/Take-Me-There-121041941)

Random thought

Sometimes it takes the dying to teach us how to live

In loving memory...

On April 10, 2008 I received two phone calls early in the morning at work. When my boyfriend called asking if my dad had gotten a hold of me I knew that my uncle had died. My dad phoned a few minutes later. My unlcle had been fighting sarcoma (soft tissue cancer) and at this point we knew our time with him was limited. I had been able to see my uncle the week before and appreciated the chance to share the following poem I had written for him:

So, now a year later, I remember the times with him and I want to honour him in aiming to be the type of person he was. He was a kind and gentle soul who had a way of making you feel special regardless of what else was going on. He also had a great sense of humour and was always smiling.

Here's to you, Ralph.

May you live forever in the hearts

of those whose lives you touched.

I love you.

It makes me easier to take

Introduction
by ~darker-crush

This is me.
Broken for you
into 100 swallow-able pieces.

I am easier to digest that way.

http://darker-crush.deviantart.com/art/1-Introduction-117754826

Random thought:

Not all scars are visible.

Sigh of relief

Conversation had and no harm done. Well, caused some stress but it's all good now. So we'll see where things go from here....

I'm stuck in my own head

I'm stuck in my own head with too many questions and no answers. My brain goes one way and my heart goes another leaving me twisted and contorted somewhere in the middle. I don't know which direction to go. I don't know what questions to ask. Many need to be but where do I start? And what about the ones who's answers scare me? I should not be allowed to be alone in my head. It's not a good place for me to be at times like this. Thank goodness for friends to ramble to that understand without judging me. Thank goodness for that.

I need to have a conversation....now it's a matter of figuring out where to start...

Connecting with an old friend...

Reconnecting lost connections. Picking up the pieces from the past and putting them back together to move forward. Here we are you and I, picking up where we left off. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you hurt but there's nothing I can do when I don't know what's going on. I'm sorry I didn't have you to lean on when needed but again, nothing you can do when you don't know what's going on. That's life. It tears us apart and pushes us back together in some semblance of what we used to be. I am who I am and you are who you are and we wouldn't be here without where we've been. I hope you know that, despite it all, I have loved, I do love, and I will continue to love you. I offer my hand in hopes that you'll take it, and together we can step into the unknown knowing that, if nothing else, we have each other.

Resurecting the neglected

So, I stopped posting on this and instead posted photos and poetry on deviantart. After speaking with a friend who resurected a neglected space just to rant and express whatever is on his mind at any given time I have been given cause to lean the same way. So, here we are and we'll see where things go.

Hmm...

Well, I haven't posted much on this lately...though I don't even know if anyone looks at this so...whatever. I have still been writing, you can check it out at forbsie.deviantart.com along with some of my photographs if you're interested.

A fairy tale for the girls (taken from a fwded email)

Once upon a time
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. "
~~~~~~~~
That night,
as the princess dined sumptuously
on lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't fuckin think so.

21 grams

The essence of our being. What makes us who we are. The one thing that can’t be touched and yet shows in everything we do. It means so much, represents so much, is so much, and yet so little. 21 grams. The weight of a soul (according to legend). That’s it. That’s all. Nothing more. Just 21 grams. It’s weird to think about. Hard to wrap your mind around. How is it, that something so small, is so much of who we are? Does it even make sense to try and measure the weight of a soul? Why should it weigh anything at all? Why 21 grams? Maybe there’s some kind of significance that is beyond our ability to understand, maybe it’s significant on a plane of existence separate from this one. Don’t know. Does it matter? Maybe, maybe not. I don’t think the knowledge would make any difference for us, here and now. Just a random piece of information that some might find interesting, and some might use to freak others out. Would you be intrigued? Or would you be freaked out? 21 grams. Not much at all. The last breath we breathe out releases this 21 grams that is believed to be one’s soul. What a strange idea. What do you think? Is this something you can believe or do you think it’s a whole bunch of bullshit? Do you believe we have souls? Or do you believe that what we are now is all we are and will ever be? Have you ever really even thought about it? I’m intrigued by the idea. I like the idea that there is something more than this, though what that may be I haven’t a clue. Do we have souls? I think so. A soul is what allows us to live on in memories and such when we no longer live, and breathe. 21 grams to make us who we are to others. Crazy.

Sketching my emotions

I sketch out my emotions
drawing with my fingers
upon your chest
and running my nails
down your back

I sketch out my emotions
with every look
every stolen glance
and hidden smile
I reach for you

I sketch out my emotions
through the phone cord
when we talk
through pen
when it meets paper

I sketch out my emotions
for everyone to see
I gave up on being subtle
please don't you
give up on me

I sketch out my emotions
in pencil, chalk, and ink
I expose myself in hope
that you will be the one
to expose yourself to me

From your mouth

Words tumble from your mouth.
In one ear and out the other.
Do you think before you speak?
My mind sifts through what you say,
looking for some meaning,
trying to understand.
I'm doing my best to listen
but I'm not sure I'm hearing
all that you want me to.
Word for word.
Word by word.
You speak.
I hear.
You scream.
I listen.
What are you trying to say?
I'm trying to follow your thoughts
but you're losing me.
I watch your lips move
but I'm not sure I follow.
Do you even know what it is
that you want to say to me?
What do you want me to know?
Everything.
Nothing.
Something.
Anything.
I could listen to you for hours
trying to understand the meaning behind
the words that tumble from your mouth.

By the waterfall

I find peace
in a breath of fresh air
as I listen to the sounds
of nature around me.
I sit by the falls
thinking of you.
I wonder where you are
and if you’re thinking of me.
The water feels cool
against my bare feet.
I put my hands in
and watch
as it flows over the rocks
falling into the pool below.
I splash my face
and shake away thoughts of you.
I let go of loneliness
and become one with nature.
Lost
in the sounds of the waterfall
and scents of the earth around me.
A deep breath
and I feel whole.
I have found my peace.

Peace

early morning hours

not a single sound

a sliver of light
hints at what's to come

but right now
in this moment
nothing matters

a breath of fresh air

a warm smile

glance around
nothing moves

it's as though
everything's still sleeping

all is quiet

there are no concerns
no fears
no thoughts

just this time
and this place
and the purest form
of peace


written for a peace contest on deviant art
http://news.deviantart.com/article/29550/

Do you understand?

Will you take my hand,
knowing that with it
you take my heart?

Do you see the fear
and fascination
hiding behind my smile?

Does it matter?

Are you willing
to accept me as I am,
fears and all?

I hope that you are.

Do you feel
the same fear
and fascination
that I do?

Will you take my hand anyway?

Are you willing
to take my heart,
and look after it?

I want to give you my hand
and my heart,
but I’m afraid.

Can you see my fear?
Do you understand?

Sand

rocks
beaten down
to grains

pieces
of something
that was once whole
but is no longer

falling
through fingers
squishing
between toes
getting everywhere

built up
by kids
young and old
just to be washed away
when the tide comes in

constantly moving
forever changing
and yet
always seeming the same

Innadiated

Do you know what it means?
I have an association for it
but it won’t be the same as yours.
What is it?
Noun.
Adjective.
Verb.
Adverb.
Do you know?
Which would you choose?
It really doesn’t matter.
It can be anything you want,
mean anything you want.
Tell me what it means to you
and I might share
what it means to me.


Inspired by a new friend.

a longing filled

a subtle smile
slides across her lips
and touches her eyes
many don't notice
but a few do
and wonder what
she's thinking about

she laughs at herself
and loves the way she feels
thoughts of his smile
the way he looks at her
and the knowledge
that his thoughts
are of her

infatuation
addiction
curiosity
drawn together
by something
that can't be described
but is no less than real

similar
different
unknown
but connected
meeting by fluke
and yet almost intentionally
life is funny that way

delete you from my head

I must delete you from my head.
Remove all memories.
Block all thoughts.
I must erase you from my mind.

I need to let you out of my heart.
Release all emotion.
Forget what you meant.
I need to find me, without you.

I want to remember the good times.
To be able to smile.
Feel laughter take over.
I want to feel whole again.

I have to find a way to move forward.
Forgetting what you are.
Letting go of who I was.
I have to delete you from my head.


written for fotoFRIDAY on deviantart
http://fotofriday.deviantart.com/journal/12995318/#journal

more than I can handle

a single hair;
that’s what I found today.

a single hair,
and all conclusions shatter,
like a shot glass
on a tile floor.

a single hair;
that’s all it took
for the tears to begin;
for my carefully shaped
façade to crack.

a single hair,
and I’ve lost my direction.

a single hair;
who knows where it came from
but it’s here,
and I’m wishing
I wasn’t.

a single hair;
that’s all it was,
but it was yours
and that’s more
than I can handle.

(The stress of randomly finding something that reminds you of someone you're trying to forget. That was the inspiration behind this, though, thankfully, not something I've had to deal with recently.)

For my mother

You helped to shape me
into the woman I have become.

You gave me the motivation
to reach for my dreams.

I am strong
because you showed me strength.

I am beautiful
because you believed.

I am honest
because you would have no lies.

I appreciate the little things
because you taught me how much they mean.

I know love
because you love me unconditionally.

I don’t know who I’d be
without you.

Thanks for everything.

The enjoyment remains

a broken spine
tattered pages
coffee stained
and bent

abused
 but in a loving way

dropped in the tub
kicked across the room
shoved in the bottom of a bag

words
read thousands of times
until the story
is known by heart
 then read once again

the ending never changes
the story always the same
but that doesn't matter
the enjoyment remains

Out of the frying pan ... and into the fire ...

I step out of myself and into the deep blue-green. I leave behind an empty, broken shell of who I used to be. I am no longer that girl. Good or bad? I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. Couldn’t go back to being her if I wanted to, it’s just not meant to happen that way. Engulfed by the deep blue-green and this is my new beginning. My chance to start over. My chance to move forward. To let go of the past. I am who I am because of where I’ve been but I can’t remain stuck in what has been and what was never meant to be. They say life is for the living, so I need to stop being the walking dead. Take hold of the here and now.

I’m getting out of the frying pan …
and into the fire …


(Picture from www.goenglish.com)

we are...

we are the broken
the unwanted
the thrown away
and left behind

we were once loved
once cherished
once honoured
and carried

we used to be there
to be around
to be hugged
and dragged along

we are now here
now alone
now left lost
and forgotten

I take my own hand

I take my hand and pull away. I run, tripping over my own feet. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know where I’m coming from. Somewhere out in left field maybe. Or maybe I’m not coming from anywhere. Maybe the idea that I have a past is an illusion. Maybe I was born yesterday. I don’t know.

I can’t think. All I can do is run. I’m running away. Away from what? I couldn’t tell you, because I don’t know. I just know that I can’t stay here. I can’t watch this happen. I’ll be shattered and broken if I stay.

I don’t expect this to make sense. I don’t expect you to understand, just please let me go. Don’t ask me to stay, because I couldn’t say no. Let go of my hand so I can take it and run. I’m sorry to leave you. I wish I didn’t have to, but I can’t stay and you won’t go, so there is no other choice. This is the way it must be, regardless of our thoughts on it.

Hug yourself so you feel safe. I’ll take my own hand so I don’t feel alone. Now I must go … before it’s too late.

Goodbye … I’ll miss you.

Vanilla Rain

vanilla rain
it washes me away

pure

clean

gone

no more
love
no more
hate
no more
passion
no more
fear

there’s nothing left
I am an empty shell

there’s nothing here

but
vanilla rain
washing me away

vanilla makes him happy

the scent of vanilla
reaches his nose
and he smiles

vanilla makes him happy

a scoop of ice cream
a glass of flavored coke
vanilla anything

vanilla makes him happy

a lousy day
his vanilla piece of heaven
and things look better

vanilla makes him happy

Some lyrics by MIKA

This is the way you left me,

I'm not pretending,

No hope, no love, no glory,

No happy ending

This is the way that we love,

Like it's forever,

Then live the rest of our life

But not together.

I don't really know what it is, except maybe just being able to relate to these lines, but I like it, even if it's rather sad.

Leaves

from green to yellow
leaves fall from trees to the ground
a symbolic death

This was fun. I don't know the last time (if ever) I wrote a haiku. :)