holding shame to release her

i entered my internal world
found an angry resistant teen by my side
and a sense of heaviness
she didn't want to go anywhere near
and did her best to convince me not to
i stepped into curiosity
and took her along with me to explore
i moved into the heaviness
i took a breath
and asked "what is this"
then waited
soon i received an answer
shame
clearly stated
the teen wanted out
i told her it's ok and moved forward
i told shame it's ok
she's welcome here
i accept her
i forgive her
i forgive her
i forgive her
repeated until she believed it
she became smaller
i thanked her
expressing gratitude for all my past
for all that brought me to where i am now
she faded away
then i turned to the teen
i turned towards resistance and anger
i turned towards the fear that was intertwined there
i wrapped her in my arms
and told her it's ok
i thanked her for keeping me safe
i welcomed her into the whole
i told her she can rest now
i've got this
and she relaxed into the embrace
becoming one with me

moving into the shadow

this morning i sat with darkness
i held space for her
i stayed present
she screamed
she cried
she pounded the walls and the floor
i don't know why
i'm learning i don't need to know
i filled the space with compassion
with acceptance
with love
i did my best to help her feel safe
to allow her to just be
and for me to just be
present together
no longer alone
deep breath
hands from the universe
layers peeled away
crumpled
and tossed
confusing
but fascinating to watch
release
sigh to exhale
that's enough for today
time to rest
i stroke her hair
and bathe her in love and gratitude
full acceptance
a step closer
moving into the shadow