Hmm...

Well, I haven't posted much on this lately...though I don't even know if anyone looks at this so...whatever. I have still been writing, you can check it out at forbsie.deviantart.com along with some of my photographs if you're interested.

A fairy tale for the girls (taken from a fwded email)

Once upon a time
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. "
~~~~~~~~
That night,
as the princess dined sumptuously
on lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't fuckin think so.

21 grams

The essence of our being. What makes us who we are. The one thing that can’t be touched and yet shows in everything we do. It means so much, represents so much, is so much, and yet so little. 21 grams. The weight of a soul (according to legend). That’s it. That’s all. Nothing more. Just 21 grams. It’s weird to think about. Hard to wrap your mind around. How is it, that something so small, is so much of who we are? Does it even make sense to try and measure the weight of a soul? Why should it weigh anything at all? Why 21 grams? Maybe there’s some kind of significance that is beyond our ability to understand, maybe it’s significant on a plane of existence separate from this one. Don’t know. Does it matter? Maybe, maybe not. I don’t think the knowledge would make any difference for us, here and now. Just a random piece of information that some might find interesting, and some might use to freak others out. Would you be intrigued? Or would you be freaked out? 21 grams. Not much at all. The last breath we breathe out releases this 21 grams that is believed to be one’s soul. What a strange idea. What do you think? Is this something you can believe or do you think it’s a whole bunch of bullshit? Do you believe we have souls? Or do you believe that what we are now is all we are and will ever be? Have you ever really even thought about it? I’m intrigued by the idea. I like the idea that there is something more than this, though what that may be I haven’t a clue. Do we have souls? I think so. A soul is what allows us to live on in memories and such when we no longer live, and breathe. 21 grams to make us who we are to others. Crazy.

Sketching my emotions

I sketch out my emotions
drawing with my fingers
upon your chest
and running my nails
down your back

I sketch out my emotions
with every look
every stolen glance
and hidden smile
I reach for you

I sketch out my emotions
through the phone cord
when we talk
through pen
when it meets paper

I sketch out my emotions
for everyone to see
I gave up on being subtle
please don't you
give up on me

I sketch out my emotions
in pencil, chalk, and ink
I expose myself in hope
that you will be the one
to expose yourself to me

From your mouth

Words tumble from your mouth.
In one ear and out the other.
Do you think before you speak?
My mind sifts through what you say,
looking for some meaning,
trying to understand.
I'm doing my best to listen
but I'm not sure I'm hearing
all that you want me to.
Word for word.
Word by word.
You speak.
I hear.
You scream.
I listen.
What are you trying to say?
I'm trying to follow your thoughts
but you're losing me.
I watch your lips move
but I'm not sure I follow.
Do you even know what it is
that you want to say to me?
What do you want me to know?
Everything.
Nothing.
Something.
Anything.
I could listen to you for hours
trying to understand the meaning behind
the words that tumble from your mouth.

By the waterfall

I find peace
in a breath of fresh air
as I listen to the sounds
of nature around me.
I sit by the falls
thinking of you.
I wonder where you are
and if you’re thinking of me.
The water feels cool
against my bare feet.
I put my hands in
and watch
as it flows over the rocks
falling into the pool below.
I splash my face
and shake away thoughts of you.
I let go of loneliness
and become one with nature.
Lost
in the sounds of the waterfall
and scents of the earth around me.
A deep breath
and I feel whole.
I have found my peace.

Peace

early morning hours

not a single sound

a sliver of light
hints at what's to come

but right now
in this moment
nothing matters

a breath of fresh air

a warm smile

glance around
nothing moves

it's as though
everything's still sleeping

all is quiet

there are no concerns
no fears
no thoughts

just this time
and this place
and the purest form
of peace


written for a peace contest on deviant art
http://news.deviantart.com/article/29550/

Do you understand?

Will you take my hand,
knowing that with it
you take my heart?

Do you see the fear
and fascination
hiding behind my smile?

Does it matter?

Are you willing
to accept me as I am,
fears and all?

I hope that you are.

Do you feel
the same fear
and fascination
that I do?

Will you take my hand anyway?

Are you willing
to take my heart,
and look after it?

I want to give you my hand
and my heart,
but I’m afraid.

Can you see my fear?
Do you understand?

Sand

rocks
beaten down
to grains

pieces
of something
that was once whole
but is no longer

falling
through fingers
squishing
between toes
getting everywhere

built up
by kids
young and old
just to be washed away
when the tide comes in

constantly moving
forever changing
and yet
always seeming the same

Innadiated

Do you know what it means?
I have an association for it
but it won’t be the same as yours.
What is it?
Noun.
Adjective.
Verb.
Adverb.
Do you know?
Which would you choose?
It really doesn’t matter.
It can be anything you want,
mean anything you want.
Tell me what it means to you
and I might share
what it means to me.


Inspired by a new friend.

a longing filled

a subtle smile
slides across her lips
and touches her eyes
many don't notice
but a few do
and wonder what
she's thinking about

she laughs at herself
and loves the way she feels
thoughts of his smile
the way he looks at her
and the knowledge
that his thoughts
are of her

infatuation
addiction
curiosity
drawn together
by something
that can't be described
but is no less than real

similar
different
unknown
but connected
meeting by fluke
and yet almost intentionally
life is funny that way

delete you from my head

I must delete you from my head.
Remove all memories.
Block all thoughts.
I must erase you from my mind.

I need to let you out of my heart.
Release all emotion.
Forget what you meant.
I need to find me, without you.

I want to remember the good times.
To be able to smile.
Feel laughter take over.
I want to feel whole again.

I have to find a way to move forward.
Forgetting what you are.
Letting go of who I was.
I have to delete you from my head.


written for fotoFRIDAY on deviantart
http://fotofriday.deviantart.com/journal/12995318/#journal

more than I can handle

a single hair;
that’s what I found today.

a single hair,
and all conclusions shatter,
like a shot glass
on a tile floor.

a single hair;
that’s all it took
for the tears to begin;
for my carefully shaped
façade to crack.

a single hair,
and I’ve lost my direction.

a single hair;
who knows where it came from
but it’s here,
and I’m wishing
I wasn’t.

a single hair;
that’s all it was,
but it was yours
and that’s more
than I can handle.

(The stress of randomly finding something that reminds you of someone you're trying to forget. That was the inspiration behind this, though, thankfully, not something I've had to deal with recently.)

For my mother

You helped to shape me
into the woman I have become.

You gave me the motivation
to reach for my dreams.

I am strong
because you showed me strength.

I am beautiful
because you believed.

I am honest
because you would have no lies.

I appreciate the little things
because you taught me how much they mean.

I know love
because you love me unconditionally.

I don’t know who I’d be
without you.

Thanks for everything.

The enjoyment remains

a broken spine
tattered pages
coffee stained
and bent

abused
 but in a loving way

dropped in the tub
kicked across the room
shoved in the bottom of a bag

words
read thousands of times
until the story
is known by heart
 then read once again

the ending never changes
the story always the same
but that doesn't matter
the enjoyment remains

Out of the frying pan ... and into the fire ...

I step out of myself and into the deep blue-green. I leave behind an empty, broken shell of who I used to be. I am no longer that girl. Good or bad? I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. Couldn’t go back to being her if I wanted to, it’s just not meant to happen that way. Engulfed by the deep blue-green and this is my new beginning. My chance to start over. My chance to move forward. To let go of the past. I am who I am because of where I’ve been but I can’t remain stuck in what has been and what was never meant to be. They say life is for the living, so I need to stop being the walking dead. Take hold of the here and now.

I’m getting out of the frying pan …
and into the fire …


(Picture from www.goenglish.com)

we are...

we are the broken
the unwanted
the thrown away
and left behind

we were once loved
once cherished
once honoured
and carried

we used to be there
to be around
to be hugged
and dragged along

we are now here
now alone
now left lost
and forgotten

I take my own hand

I take my hand and pull away. I run, tripping over my own feet. I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know where I’m coming from. Somewhere out in left field maybe. Or maybe I’m not coming from anywhere. Maybe the idea that I have a past is an illusion. Maybe I was born yesterday. I don’t know.

I can’t think. All I can do is run. I’m running away. Away from what? I couldn’t tell you, because I don’t know. I just know that I can’t stay here. I can’t watch this happen. I’ll be shattered and broken if I stay.

I don’t expect this to make sense. I don’t expect you to understand, just please let me go. Don’t ask me to stay, because I couldn’t say no. Let go of my hand so I can take it and run. I’m sorry to leave you. I wish I didn’t have to, but I can’t stay and you won’t go, so there is no other choice. This is the way it must be, regardless of our thoughts on it.

Hug yourself so you feel safe. I’ll take my own hand so I don’t feel alone. Now I must go … before it’s too late.

Goodbye … I’ll miss you.

Vanilla Rain

vanilla rain
it washes me away

pure

clean

gone

no more
love
no more
hate
no more
passion
no more
fear

there’s nothing left
I am an empty shell

there’s nothing here

but
vanilla rain
washing me away

vanilla makes him happy

the scent of vanilla
reaches his nose
and he smiles

vanilla makes him happy

a scoop of ice cream
a glass of flavored coke
vanilla anything

vanilla makes him happy

a lousy day
his vanilla piece of heaven
and things look better

vanilla makes him happy