Holding on

Disconnected. Confused. Not sure where to go from here. Wanting something. Wanting someone. Don't know if there's a way to make it work. Reaching out blindly, not knowing if anyone's there, if anyone cares. Wanting to try something but fearing the potential consequences if it doesn't work. Not wanting to lose what is but curious about what could be. A couple road blocks leave things very up in the air. Hating feeling like this but don't know what to do to change it. Hoping for something that can't be had. Frustrated. Lost. Left wanting. But what? Don't know. Wanting to feel close to someone. Wanting to feel loved. What needs to be done? Is there anything that can be? Or is it all up to fate and chance? So unsure. Going around in circles. Spiraling. Falling. In love? Out of love? Feels like some strange combination of. Feeling like a chance was missed. Should have been taken before but wasn't. Conversation. Thoughts. Ideas. No way of acting on them. Stressed, with only the self to blame. Though that might not quite be true. Thinking too much. Making something of nothing. But still hoping. Holding on to the possibility. Knowing it's likely in vain and a wasted effort but not knowing what else to do.