Tim Harford: Trial, error and the God complex | Video on TED.com

Entertaining and thought provoking talk that I thought I'd share.

Wake up and dream

Live the life you always wanted.
Take a leap of faith and reach,
no one's going to do it for you.
What are you waiting for?
What's holding you back?
I'd hazard a guess
that it's you.
Your own fears,
worries,
and what ifs...
Let them go.
They don't matter.
All we have is here and now,
better make the best of it.
Or you'll only be left with
thoughts of what might have been.
Better to regret what you've done
than to regret that you never tried.

K. Flay

Was introduced to her music and this video by a friend of mine and I'm diggin it. Check it out!

K. Flay live at the Pheonix

I miss you

Maybe I do...

but maybe what I really miss is the idea of you...

Some things are better left unsaid, some questions better off unasked, but some demand and persist until you don't have a choice...

Dear old friend,

What do I mean to you now? If anything at all...

You say you'll be in my city for a show but won't be able to visit - so why did you tell me? Were you testing to see what response you would get? Looking for a reaction? Testing the water maybe...I don't know what to make of this.

Then, a random three word message: "I miss you" - my mind goes off on all kinds of tangents with nowhere to land because I don't know where you stand and I'm scared to ask. Uncertain as to whether or not I really want an answer.

My mind wanders. I remember seemingly simpler times...easy conversation about anything and everything...curling up on the couch watching movies...lying on the trampoline to watch the stars...dancing...cheesecake...late night coffee...you were my rock, the one I could lean on, and trust to catch me - or carry me on occasion - and I want to thank you for that.

I also want to apologize for any time that I have taken you for granted, I never meant to...

--

Time marches on. Life gets in the way. Things get complicated - though this is likely only because we make it that way. Choices are made, chances are missed, and we go on trying to make the best of what we've got.

--

I miss you. I miss the friendship that we had. My mind reels with what ifs, and questions of what might have been, despite knowing I'll never get any answers because I can't change the past, I can't go back and redo things.

I reached a point of acceptance - at least I thought I did - accepting that our lives went different directions and I don't mean what I once did to you. But that doesn't stop me from caring or thinking about you and wondering if you're happy.

Maybe the connection we shared is still there just waiting for the right contact to reconnect and complete the circuit... I miss what we shared before and part of me continues to wonder if there should have been something more... I'm afraid to ask. I don't know what I would do with the answer and I don't know if I could handle it. Maybe it's all in my head...

--

You are one of the few that I have ever felt really connected with, believed that you really got me and I'm thankful for having shared that. I'm thankful that you have been a part of my life and will cherish what we shared and the memories we created. I hope that I've been good to you and have been the friend you needed me to be.

I would love the chance to get to know you the way I used to and to build on the easy friendship we've shared but I leave that up to you. I'm afraid to open myself up to find it to be one-sided but I'm willing if you are.

With love from your old friend

one more pill

spewing words into the void
talking
not really saying anything
not believing most of the words that come out of your own mouth
but still talking
why?
to hear the sound of your own voice?
to drown out the frightening silence?
to stop the voices in your head?
do you even know?
probably doesn't really matter
no one's really listening anyway
they're in their own little worlds
dealing with their own skeletons and demons
do we even really know each other?
there are so many things that allow us to connect
but very little that actually keeps us connected
that requires effort
and care
and the risk of getting hurt
and most of us are not okay with that
most of us aren't willing
to open up that much to ourselves
let alone to someone else
and we're so self-absorbed that we probably wouldn't even notice
or care
if someone opened the door
to let us into their world for a while
it's sad really
so many of us
spend our lives
alone together
no wonder there's a pill out there for every problem
no one wants to talk about what's actually going on
we want that quick fix
the bandaid solution
doesn't matter if it's not really a solution
it's better than it is without it

we are a damaged species
and we just keep digging the knife in
a little further
a little more
one more pill
and maybe it won't hurt anymore...

The rules of life from a wise, old homeless cat:

1) Ask for help when you need it.
2) Accept help when it's offered.
3) Take only what you need.
4) Respect the "Rules of the House."
5) Send a thank you note. (Or a dead mouse.)
6) Be open to new friends.
7) Be true to who you are.
8) If you find something that give you joy - like sailing by a woman on her way upstairs - do it with all your heart.

It would be a better world if we followed Spike's rules of life. Yes, I think he has it exactly right.

(This entry is from a story titled "The Purrfect Guest" by Vicki Kitchner printed in Chicken Soup for the Soul: What I learned from the Cat)

Need to write...

...but I don't know what it is that I want to say. I can feel it inside and the need for it to get out but I'm not sure what words to use to express myself.

--

Feeling lost and alone
though I know I'm not

alone.

--

Confused and uncertain and not knowing how to respond. Proud of what I made but unsure what to do with the reaction. No harm no foul, right? I'm not sure. I guess that depends on where you're standing.

--

Going round in circles in my head.
Going nowhere fast.
Doesn't really matter.
I guess it just wasn't meant to last.

I can handle anything for 60 seconds...

Everything is temporary...

Sexy is an attitude

It's not a body.
It's not a shape.
It's not a colour.
It's not the clothes (or lack of).
It's not the hair.

It's an attitude.
It's a state of mind.
It's you.
It's me.
It's everyone.

Chew on that for a while.

Thoughts on lyrics

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

~Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons

It's interesting to me how I relate to different lyrics. I really connect with these few lines lately though I couldn't really tell you why. I guess it has something to do with my state of mind recently and the questions that run through my head without answers. Curiosities, questions, decisions, no answers, no making any decisions. Concerned about hurting those close to me without meaning to, without knowing. I am who I am and I accept that. I also accept the fact that many don't understand and I can't explain. Ups, downs, laughing, crying, wanting to break free, wanting to curl up and hide. It's all there and yet it's nothing. It is what it is and I just have to stay on and ride it out. Somewhere along the way it evens out, it has to. If nothing else, I do know that there are a few I can count on to be along for the ride and regardless of what happens they'll still love me and accept me as I am. That I am grateful for, as I know not everyone can say that. The journey continues and I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and enjoy the scenery. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way and will keep in mind that I'm beautiful like me.

"Who's gonna miss you when you're gone?"
- Danny Michel

The things that connect us...

vs the things that keep us connected.

They are not the same. Do you understand the difference? As technology increases there are more ways to connect with others than ever before but are they really keeping us connected or pushing us farther apart? How many people do you interact with electronically that you have never met face to face? Probably more than you've interacted with in person. Scary thought. The world is not going to be taken over by robots, the way technology is headed we're going to become robots. We're going to be incapable of real interactions, feelings, life. What kind of life would it be to never really hear someone laugh, or see them smile? What would it be like to never feel the touch of another, never breathe in someone else's smell? I don't even want to imagine. I know it's a little contradictory to be putting this out on the internet given that I'm talking about human interaction vs technological interaction but whatever. Give me a break, I'm just trying to share some thoughts. I do my best to use technology to set up real interactions and keep in touch with those who are too far away to visit easily. I try minimize the technological interactions as I like real life. I like getting hugged and breathing in the scent of someone else. I like conversations over coffee that end in fits of laughter. There's something to be said about being able to capture moments in time in a way that makes them indefinite but you've got to remember to live these moments too because without them we have nothing.

Live every moment or you'll miss something.

From the movie "Synecdoche, New York"

Minister: Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.

Random quote found via stumbleupon

Think of a window:
it's a hole in a wall but through it
the whole room fills with light.
Similarly, when the mind is open
and free from his own thoughts,
life unfolds effortlessly,
and the world is filled with light.

Chuang Tzu

And just because it's October...

History of Halloween

There is mixed information as to the origins of Halloween despite it being one of the most popular party dates for adults in America. Despite not being connected with a particular religion, Halloween manages to combine spirituality, death, and religious beliefs together in our minds. Most sources seem to agree that the name "Halloween" has come from “All Hallows Eve” which referred to the night before “All Hallows Day” or All Saints Day (a Christian holiday). On this day they honour all the Saints in heaven through prayers and offerings.

Halloween is also connected with the Celtic tradition of Samhain. Samhain marked the end of summer and beginning of winter, also referred to as the Celtic New Year. On this night it is believed that the boundary between the living and dead becomes blurred and the spirits of the dead are able to return to earth. Costumes were used by people to deter spirits from possessing their bodies or making themselves unrecognizable to the spirits.

Trick-or-treating is another favourite tradition associated with this holiday. Who doesn’t like free candy? As to where this tradition comes from, the results are mixed. Some information says that it may come from the All Souls Day parades during which poor folks would beg for food, then receive “soul cakes” in return for prayers for the dead and “souling” – the practice of leaving food and wine for roaming spirits. Other information relates it to Samhain traditions of opening doors and providing food to the wandering dead which led to people dressing up as wandering dead and demanding food. And still other information points to it being a way to counteract the pranks and destruction that would occur with the holiday.

And we can’t forget the Jack-o-lantern. Again, the background for this is unclear. There is some Irish folklore that relates back to a man named Jack who tricked the devil then made a deal with him that resulted in him being refused entry into both Heaven and Hell. He was provided with a single ember to light his way which was placed in a hollowed out turnip to keep it glowing longer. Pumpkins were found to be more plentiful in America so they were used instead of turnips. Pumpkins are also recognized a part of the Native Americans’ sacred trinity of squash, beans, and maize – which is also seen in the form of candy corn and as part of Halloween decorations.

So, this Halloween take a moment to remember where your own traditions come from and watch out for spirits looking for a body.

(Information gathered from urbanlegends.about.com, www.history.com, and www.theholidayspot.com)

Forever in memories

I'm slowly beginning to accept the reality that I am no longer an important part of your life. As I think about it, I probably haven’t been for a while and it likely goes both ways. That makes me sad even knowing that it’s part of life, especially when life takes us in different directions. I thought I would see you, talk to you, more than I have. I don’t blame you. It’s just the way things went. I can’t help but think sometimes where we might be had a couple things happened differently. I guess it just fits the idea that people are in your life, or you’re in theirs, for a reason or a season. Occasionally there are bonds made that last a lifetime but these are few and far between. The elusive gem that we’re all searching for, and some of us are lucky enough to find. You and I were not meant to be lifetime friends, well not close ones anyway. I’m coming to accept it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Anyway, just wanted to put it out there. It is what it is and that’s okay. I just want you to know that I love you and I’m grateful for the time we shared and the person you helped me become.

9/11

Just realized that it's now 9/11. It's weird to think about. Definitely a good reminder of our mortality and how quickly things can change. Also, makes one question some of the things we consider truth, given that there are so many conflicting stories/beliefs around what happened that day. There's someone to blame yet the investigation is ongoing...because that makes perfect sense. It has been often shown that the best way to control people is through fear. When people are afraid they look for someone to tell them what to do so that they no longer have to be afraid or they at least have a specific target for their fear and therefore feel more in control and less afraid. Fear is often a strong and uncomfortable emotion for people. We look for ways to reduce the fear or remove the object of our fear. For example, someone who is afraid of the dark turns lights on therefore removing the source of their fear. Caught part of a show the other day looking at the conspiracy theories around the 9/11 events of 2001. Hard to figure out what the truth is when there are so many ways to interpret any given data/observations/happenings/etc. Some make more sense than others to different people. I still find it hard to believe that the towers collapsed solely as a result of being hit. Mainly because I don't understand how impact 3/4 of the way up would effect the support/foundation of the floors below. I understand that the floors above where the impact was would lose support and come down but why would that cause the whole building to fall apart? I know there was something said about the way the building was built in the first place and something about how the momentum of the falling floors would cause the ones below to collapse but I don't get that. They supported the weight of the above floors before why would the lack of space between floors change that? Anyway....that's my little rant for now. Don't know if it makes any sense and it doesn't really matter. It was a tragedy but it's in the past, all we can hope for now is that we as people in general learned something from it.

I raise my proverbial glass to those who lost their lives, were injured, or lost loved ones and hope that over time they have been able to find some kind of peace with what happened.

Hello,

Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can here me
Is there anyone home?