holding shame to release her

i entered my internal world
found an angry resistant teen by my side
and a sense of heaviness
she didn't want to go anywhere near
and did her best to convince me not to
i stepped into curiosity
and took her along with me to explore
i moved into the heaviness
i took a breath
and asked "what is this"
then waited
soon i received an answer
shame
clearly stated
the teen wanted out
i told her it's ok and moved forward
i told shame it's ok
she's welcome here
i accept her
i forgive her
i forgive her
i forgive her
repeated until she believed it
she became smaller
i thanked her
expressing gratitude for all my past
for all that brought me to where i am now
she faded away
then i turned to the teen
i turned towards resistance and anger
i turned towards the fear that was intertwined there
i wrapped her in my arms
and told her it's ok
i thanked her for keeping me safe
i welcomed her into the whole
i told her she can rest now
i've got this
and she relaxed into the embrace
becoming one with me

moving into the shadow

this morning i sat with darkness
i held space for her
i stayed present
she screamed
she cried
she pounded the walls and the floor
i don't know why
i'm learning i don't need to know
i filled the space with compassion
with acceptance
with love
i did my best to help her feel safe
to allow her to just be
and for me to just be
present together
no longer alone
deep breath
hands from the universe
layers peeled away
crumpled
and tossed
confusing
but fascinating to watch
release
sigh to exhale
that's enough for today
time to rest
i stroke her hair
and bathe her in love and gratitude
full acceptance
a step closer
moving into the shadow

internal storm

it's hard to sit with myself right now
my body feels like it doesn't fit right
something inside me is crying
i can't find it
i don't know how to offer comfort
or to hold it
it seems like my skin is trying to run away
my bones want to collapse
and the muscles just fade away
water flows in and through
fire burns endlessly
air moves in and out
earth holds things together
while space tries to break it apart
part of me is screaming
let me out
i need to get away
but there's no where to go
there's just here
just now
this moment
i take a breath
welcoming in the chaos
bracing myself for the storm
knowing
i'll be stronger
when it's over
but not knowing
when that will be
or where it will take me
in the mean time
hold on tight
(to what?)
going for a ride
in a hurricane
of feelings and emotions
sensations without context
mixed up
and all blended together
searching for the eye
finding a calmness
in the middle of it all
i'll stay here for now
wait it out
and see what's left...

i asked my body what its trying to tell me and this was the result

fear came to visit this morning
...well that's putting it nicely...

she is a child who came barreling at me in full force and slammed against me. i could feel her as a knot in my stomach. tightness in my chest. a lump in the base of my throat that seems to get bigger when i try to swallow it down. i met her with open arms and collective tears. embraced her. held her. repeatedly told her that she is welcome here. she is safe here. i will hold her for as long as she needs. i embraced all the sensations that she brought. i did my best to drop my walls and be fully present. to just be. letting go of control (not an easy task). moving into feeling. letting my logic brain run as it does without letting it run away with me. holding her. holding me. just be.

breathe...

the alchemy

the alchemy of you
sounds of a language i don't speak
words without meaning
yet i understand them all
the vibrations tune in to an inner part of me
the stardust magic we're all made of
the light
the dark
the spaces between
                                (distance is an illusion)
time and space
just a memory
a moment
lost but not forgotten
still happening somewhere on another plane
in another lifetime
dancing
drifting in the flow
embracing all that is
accepting
changing
                               - moving with purpose -
connecting
reaching out
touching
the alchemy of me

it's all so simple

As night became day
he started to understand the truth
doors opened in his mind
the world grew before his eyes
his breath caught
as the awe set in
awareness
amazement
understanding
acceptance
an inner knowing
becomes conscious
the seed planted long ago
beings to sprout and take shape
a new beginning
a different ending
a magic envelopes everything
his mind is open wide
he begins to laugh
pure joy radiates out
it's all so simple
how did it take so long to see?



(inspired by this prompt: As night becomes day, he started to understand the truth.)

Prompt: The Letter

The Letter

a single page
neatly written
full of concern
full of care
wondering
questioning
reaching out
to connect
across the distance
across the time
sent anonymously
as a surprise
with the hope
of making someone
smile
making a moment
shine a little brighter
creating a chance
to feel a little lighter
to breathe easier
even if only
momentarily

Memento Inktober 31: Samhain

sunset marks the beginning and the end
celebrating harvest
preparing for darker days
midway between
equinox and solstice
magic in the air
people guising
enjoying bonfires
feasting
divination
connection with nature
connection with spirits
open to the change of seasons

Memento Inktober 30: Black Death

epic epidemic
death of the masses
suffering
pain
confusion
no one knowing
what to do
how to stop it
how to avoid it
as it moves
across countries
taking no prisoners
leaving bodies behind
broken families
lost souls
suffering
pain
confusion
black death
takes its toll

Memento Inktober 29: Miserere

seeker of mercy
playing songs made just for you
hoping that you hear

Memento Inktober 28: Evocation

bring spirits forth
bring energy
bring desire
bring the universe

become spirit
become energy
become desire
become the universe

believe you have control
believe you know
believe this is real
believe in the universe

know you have no control
know what you do not know
know this is true
know the universe

Memento Inktober 27: Angel of Death

present at the end
collecting your lasting soul
travelling beyond

Memento Inktober 26: Cursed

outside forces take control
you do what you're told
choice has been removed
outcomes just are
you're a puppet
someone else pulls the strings
this way
that way
up and down
you just go
along for the ride
watching
without power
just there

Memento Inktober 25: Vanitas

Art
imitates life
mocking the fragility
the temporary
the idea that we can hold on
to fame
to fortune
to pleasures
to anything
the only certain thing
is death
this life will end
taking everything with it
contrast the desire
with this certainty
laugh at the absurdity
take it all in stride
vanitas
keep us in check

Memento Inktober 24: Post Mortem

After death...

we don't know what happens
there are lots of ideas and theories
but those who truly know
can't tell
those of us still here
before death
in life
left wondering
sometimes afraid
sometimes intrigued
sometimes planning
for what's believed
giving up now for later
hedging bets
that later exists and will be better
others don't worry so much
and aim to be present
here and now
because we don't know
when now will end
or if anything comes next
now is all we know we have
past is gone
future is imagination
post mortem
may be nothing more
than two latin words

Memento Inktober 23: Black Coat

a black coat
hangs on the rack
alone in the corner
no one knows
who it belongs to
or whether or not
they're coming back for it
it's been there
long enough
that no one
remember
a time it wasn't there
yet everyone wonders
who the owner is
and what may have happened
though
no one dare remove it
just in case
the owner returns

Memento Inktober 22: Ossuary

A box for bones,

nothing more,

nothing less.

Sometimes

a simple box,

like you keep shoes in.

Sometimes

something 

much more elaborate.

A large building.

Catacombs.

Charnel houses.

Regardless,

a final resting place.

Calm.

Serene.

A place to stay.

Memento Inktober 21: Hibiscus

Symbolic

fleeting
             perfection
delicate
             beauty

Used to
attract
             love
             lust
             passion
create
             prophetic dreams                       

Temporary
            glory
            magic
            power

Memento Inktober 20: Red death

A figure in red
like fresh blood
bringing pain
and suffering

it's not an easy end
not a nice way to go
agonizing
though quick

dizzying
and gory
as life oozes
out ones pores

Memento Inktober 19: Atonement

To repair
To admit a wrongdoing
To fix it
To learn from
To grow
To do better
To atone