Something to chew on...

Stephen King once said, that “The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them.”

Well, “You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won't mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever.... connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.” C. JoyBell C.

However, Henry Winkler said, that “Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”

And, “Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Lisa Kleypas shared this: “Many times in life I've regretted the things I've said without thinking. But I've never regretted the things I said nearly as much as the words I left unspoken.”

And, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” William Arthur Ward

It seems,that “Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud.” Hermann Hesse

(as posted by Darrel Tank on Facebook today)


 This is interesting for me to read and wrap my brain around at the moment. I have opened up my communication with a number of people in a number of ways over the past few weeks and in some ways maybe haven't considered completely how this changes my relationships. In general I believe it's changing things for the better but some days bring more challenges than expected or anticipated. The quote above by Lisa Kleypas makes a lot of sense to me and I agree that there is more regret with things left unspoken that should have been said than with things that were said that maybe shouldn't have been. You can make up for things said in the heat of the moment but can't go back to say something you should have but didn't. I think this is true of actions as well - there's often more regret for something you didn't do than there is for something you did (though this is not always the case). Sometimes you have a moment to chose to act on something or not and the choice you make can stay with you for a long time - you can be left wondering what if, what might have been, what happened to so and so, and whatever other questions your brain can come up with when given the chance. There are occasions where you will get an answer - I did recently when I was home. I ran into a friend I hadn't seen for about 10 years who the last time I saw was on and off of different drugs, did not have a solid place to live, and for all I knew the odds were pretty good he was dead. It was a surreal moment to see him - he's been clean for over 2 years now, has been working and talked about wanting to go back to school. We had once been very close and life took us very different directions but it was good to see him and learn that he's doing alright. Reminded me about where I've come from, what I've been through, experienced, achieved, the person I was and the person I'm becoming. Thinking about him also connects me with the final quote above: "Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud." This rings very true for me with stuff from the past and current things going on. Being more open means saying more, expressing and sharing things I previously wasn't. This changes things. It impacts the relationships I have, how the others see me, how they see the relationship we have and what happens next. Some things sound one way in my head but no matter how I try do not come out with the same meaning or feeling. This complicates the openess and communication. Sometimes it would be easier to not say things but that's only for the moment as life has shown me that things left unsaid add up to breaking things down. So I'll keep working on opening my communication, saying what needs to be said as best I can, changing my world as I know it and see where things end up.