holding shame to release her

i entered my internal world
found an angry resistant teen by my side
and a sense of heaviness
she didn't want to go anywhere near
and did her best to convince me not to
i stepped into curiosity
and took her along with me to explore
i moved into the heaviness
i took a breath
and asked "what is this"
then waited
soon i received an answer
shame
clearly stated
the teen wanted out
i told her it's ok and moved forward
i told shame it's ok
she's welcome here
i accept her
i forgive her
i forgive her
i forgive her
repeated until she believed it
she became smaller
i thanked her
expressing gratitude for all my past
for all that brought me to where i am now
she faded away
then i turned to the teen
i turned towards resistance and anger
i turned towards the fear that was intertwined there
i wrapped her in my arms
and told her it's ok
i thanked her for keeping me safe
i welcomed her into the whole
i told her she can rest now
i've got this
and she relaxed into the embrace
becoming one with me

moving into the shadow

this morning i sat with darkness
i held space for her
i stayed present
she screamed
she cried
she pounded the walls and the floor
i don't know why
i'm learning i don't need to know
i filled the space with compassion
with acceptance
with love
i did my best to help her feel safe
to allow her to just be
and for me to just be
present together
no longer alone
deep breath
hands from the universe
layers peeled away
crumpled
and tossed
confusing
but fascinating to watch
release
sigh to exhale
that's enough for today
time to rest
i stroke her hair
and bathe her in love and gratitude
full acceptance
a step closer
moving into the shadow

internal storm

it's hard to sit with myself right now
my body feels like it doesn't fit right
something inside me is crying
i can't find it
i don't know how to offer comfort
or to hold it
it seems like my skin is trying to run away
my bones want to collapse
and the muscles just fade away
water flows in and through
fire burns endlessly
air moves in and out
earth holds things together
while space tries to break it apart
part of me is screaming
let me out
i need to get away
but there's no where to go
there's just here
just now
this moment
i take a breath
welcoming in the chaos
bracing myself for the storm
knowing
i'll be stronger
when it's over
but not knowing
when that will be
or where it will take me
in the mean time
hold on tight
(to what?)
going for a ride
in a hurricane
of feelings and emotions
sensations without context
mixed up
and all blended together
searching for the eye
finding a calmness
in the middle of it all
i'll stay here for now
wait it out
and see what's left...

i asked my body what its trying to tell me and this was the result

fear came to visit this morning
...well that's putting it nicely...

she is a child who came barreling at me in full force and slammed against me. i could feel her as a knot in my stomach. tightness in my chest. a lump in the base of my throat that seems to get bigger when i try to swallow it down. i met her with open arms and collective tears. embraced her. held her. repeatedly told her that she is welcome here. she is safe here. i will hold her for as long as she needs. i embraced all the sensations that she brought. i did my best to drop my walls and be fully present. to just be. letting go of control (not an easy task). moving into feeling. letting my logic brain run as it does without letting it run away with me. holding her. holding me. just be.

breathe...

the alchemy

the alchemy of you
sounds of a language i don't speak
words without meaning
yet i understand them all
the vibrations tune in to an inner part of me
the stardust magic we're all made of
the light
the dark
the spaces between
                                (distance is an illusion)
time and space
just a memory
a moment
lost but not forgotten
still happening somewhere on another plane
in another lifetime
dancing
drifting in the flow
embracing all that is
accepting
changing
                               - moving with purpose -
connecting
reaching out
touching
the alchemy of me

it's all so simple

As night became day
he started to understand the truth
doors opened in his mind
the world grew before his eyes
his breath caught
as the awe set in
awareness
amazement
understanding
acceptance
an inner knowing
becomes conscious
the seed planted long ago
beings to sprout and take shape
a new beginning
a different ending
a magic envelopes everything
his mind is open wide
he begins to laugh
pure joy radiates out
it's all so simple
how did it take so long to see?



(inspired by this prompt: As night becomes day, he started to understand the truth.)