... when I'll land

Don't mind me, I'm just falling to pieces. Too many thoughts. Too many unanswered questions. Wanting to cry but the tears won't fall. Wanting to scream but afraid of drawing attention. Afraid of the questions and the misguided sympathy. Not being able to handle the looks of misunderstanding that result from people thinking they know how I feel. You can't know how I feel. No one but me can know that. You aren't me. You don't live in my head. (And some days it'd be nice if I didn't.) I don't know why I am the way I am. Sometimes I think I've got it figured out but there's always a shift and I end up shattered and broken again. An endless cycle. A ride that I can't get off of. I see the carnie with the toothless grin and cackling laughter, but he's no good to me. Don't know what I can do but hope the ride breaks down and I will be released. I am bound by unseen chains, blindfolded and gagged. I no longer have control. I am a puppet on a string with an unseen master choosing each move for me. I freefall into nothing and wonder when I'll land, if at all.