November 6
A new beginning
To start over, but not from scratch. To be able to share a smile, a laugh, and a hug. To love and be loved but not the same as before. No better or worse, just different. Knowing that someone cares about you and knowing that they see you as beautiful. Figuring out the differences between what they once meant and what they mean now. Determining what you meant and now mean to them. The process of rebuilding a friendship, letting go of past hurts and focusing on the here and now. I'm glad to have my friend, the one who knows me at least as well as I know myself. Someone who knows when to ask questions and when I just need to be held. Someone that I can laugh with and talk to about anything. This is what I have missed. Only time will really tell if this friendship can last but I'm willing to give my best to keep the bonds of friendship strong. We've been through a lot both together and at the hand of the other, but I believe that we are both stronger for it. Life throws all kinds of stuff at us whether we're ready for it or not. I'm generally pretty good at taking things in stride and rolling with the punches. Other's are sometimes surprised by the way that I do things and sometimes I even surprise myself. Sometimes the way my mind works and they way I look at things makes very little sense to others but generally seems to work for me. It has been said that every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. I would agree that often this is true but I'm not convinced that this is always the case. Sometimes new beginnings don't come from the end of something but from change. Things may change to the point that it becomes a new beginning without a distinct end to the previous. I'm not sure if you can follow my logic as I know it does not always make sense to anyone but me. But think about it. Sometimes things are redefined or significantly altered and then they require a new point of view to understand and work with. I guess one could still argue that it is an end, that there is some kind of line between what was and what now is even though both are very intertwined. Either way, we have reached some kind of new beginning and I am glad for that. I appreciate the chance to rebuild and the fact that what was has not been completely lost. You once defined me as your soul mate and I think in some ways that may still be true just not in the way it was initially considered. A soul mate is not necessarily a lover but is someone that you connect with on a particular level and deeply care for. By this definition maybe we still are soul mates and maybe we all have many soul mates that play various roles throughout our lives. It's a thought to consider. Maybe not all new beginnings are really beginnings, maybe they're just a way of coping with change. It's just a thought...
A late night wandering mind
Here I am, up late at night, just thinking. I wonder where you are. I wonder if you're alone or if you've got someone in your arms. Sometimes I wish that someone was me but I know that's not a current possibility. My mind wanders. I wonder with whom I may again find the escape of another's embrace. I long for someone just to hold me. To let my stress and fears melt away, even if just for a moment. To be lost in an embrace with no worries, just lost in the comfort of knowing someone cares. I wonder if you think of me and miss my touch the way that I miss yours. It's the simple things that I miss the most. A look, a smile, the warmth of an embrace... Maybe I'm a little too stuck in the past but knowing what I liked about what once was helps me to figure out what I want now. It helps me to begin to sort out what I'm looking for. I am currently still working on defining myself, though I suspect this will always be the case to some degree or another. I like who I am even if that's not totally defined, I'm okay with that. If one is too rigid in defining who they are then they are bound to get stuck. Time moves on and things change. We have to be flexible so that we don't break. We have to be willing to move with the cheese because if we don't the cheese that is currently available will run out and we'll be stuck not knowing what to do. If we get stuck in a routine and get too comfortable we will eventually get stale and left behind. We have to be willing to adapt to change whether we like it or not because change is inevitable. People who are too comfortable fear change and see all change as bad. Change can definitely be good. There have been times where I know I needed change and have become a better person because of it. Other times I have been the change to a situation that I was no longer happy with. My thoughts are all over the place. The past, the present, the future. Where am I? Where am I headed? Who knows, only time will tell. I sort of know where I am and I'm slowly starting to figure out where I would like to be headed. I'm in no rush because I know things are bound to change. Currently I'm doing my best to be true to myself and just going with the flow to see what happens. It's about all I can do with no specific plan or current destination. I'm totally okay with that. Life's an adventure and I'm along for the ride.
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