Random update

Well, I was in Calgary over the weekend to see my cousin get married. Very exciting for them and it was nice to see the family. Also got to see my other cousin's new house, gorgeous. Me = jealous.

For myself, been busy working though recently cut back hours at one job so will have a little more time for myself. Slowly working my way through my photography course as well as working on learning HTML to get my own web page set up. It's a slow process but I'm getting there.

On the opposite, my man's not getting the hours he'd like to at work but at least he's still working. Could be worse. We get a little more time together these days. Looking forward to having a week off together come August and appreciating the time we have as it comes.

That's all for now.

Cheers!

Here's to new beginnings

Here's to new beginnings, not necessarily endings creating them but a fresh start none the less. There are so many ways these come about and often without us even really noticing. Though sometimes they are really obvious as well. A change in perspective and a new way of looking. Happiness, sadness, fear and excitement. A promise. A new life. A forever remembered soul and a tear shed on a pillow. We are where we are and only time will tell where we go from here. Life is funny but regardless of what happens we keep going. So here's to new beginnings and whatever they may bring.

Blacksmith

Too late for love

Too late for love

Now left to wonder
what might have been
but knowing
this is a question
that can never be answered

A question
that will torment
randomly
and univited

Thoughts
fleeting
few and far between
but never forgotten

Too late for love
such a tragedy
that what could have been
never had a chance
and will never be known
except in imagination

Random thought from Monday

It's weird to have things pointed out to you about the person you are when you're sort of aware of them but do not have any idea what to do about, particularly when you realize why you do what you do and it's not something you have contol over.

My father's daughter

I am my father's daughter
the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I am a product of my environment
and this is what I have to work with:
the things my mother has taught me,
the lessons my life has shown.
Challenges have taken me
up, down, and around.
I am who I am because of where I've been
and who I become depends on where I go,
but for better or worse,
I am
my father's daughter

(May 4, 2009)

Take me there

Take me there
to where you are
I want to touch you
feel you
breathe you in

Take me there
so I can just be
I want to know
what it's like
in your arms

Take me there
without question
I just want to follow
along the long
way you go

Take me there
to where you are
I want to be
skin on skin
breathing you in


(Inspired by: http://blanzeflor.deviantart.com/art/Take-Me-There-121041941)

Random thought

Sometimes it takes the dying to teach us how to live

In loving memory...

On April 10, 2008 I received two phone calls early in the morning at work. When my boyfriend called asking if my dad had gotten a hold of me I knew that my uncle had died. My dad phoned a few minutes later. My unlcle had been fighting sarcoma (soft tissue cancer) and at this point we knew our time with him was limited. I had been able to see my uncle the week before and appreciated the chance to share the following poem I had written for him:

So, now a year later, I remember the times with him and I want to honour him in aiming to be the type of person he was. He was a kind and gentle soul who had a way of making you feel special regardless of what else was going on. He also had a great sense of humour and was always smiling.

Here's to you, Ralph.

May you live forever in the hearts

of those whose lives you touched.

I love you.

It makes me easier to take

Introduction
by ~darker-crush

This is me.
Broken for you
into 100 swallow-able pieces.

I am easier to digest that way.

http://darker-crush.deviantart.com/art/1-Introduction-117754826

Random thought:

Not all scars are visible.

Sigh of relief

Conversation had and no harm done. Well, caused some stress but it's all good now. So we'll see where things go from here....

I'm stuck in my own head

I'm stuck in my own head with too many questions and no answers. My brain goes one way and my heart goes another leaving me twisted and contorted somewhere in the middle. I don't know which direction to go. I don't know what questions to ask. Many need to be but where do I start? And what about the ones who's answers scare me? I should not be allowed to be alone in my head. It's not a good place for me to be at times like this. Thank goodness for friends to ramble to that understand without judging me. Thank goodness for that.

I need to have a conversation....now it's a matter of figuring out where to start...

Connecting with an old friend...

Reconnecting lost connections. Picking up the pieces from the past and putting them back together to move forward. Here we are you and I, picking up where we left off. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you hurt but there's nothing I can do when I don't know what's going on. I'm sorry I didn't have you to lean on when needed but again, nothing you can do when you don't know what's going on. That's life. It tears us apart and pushes us back together in some semblance of what we used to be. I am who I am and you are who you are and we wouldn't be here without where we've been. I hope you know that, despite it all, I have loved, I do love, and I will continue to love you. I offer my hand in hopes that you'll take it, and together we can step into the unknown knowing that, if nothing else, we have each other.

Resurecting the neglected

So, I stopped posting on this and instead posted photos and poetry on deviantart. After speaking with a friend who resurected a neglected space just to rant and express whatever is on his mind at any given time I have been given cause to lean the same way. So, here we are and we'll see where things go.

Hmm...

Well, I haven't posted much on this lately...though I don't even know if anyone looks at this so...whatever. I have still been writing, you can check it out at forbsie.deviantart.com along with some of my photographs if you're interested.

A fairy tale for the girls (taken from a fwded email)

Once upon a time
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. "
~~~~~~~~
That night,
as the princess dined sumptuously
on lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't fuckin think so.

21 grams

The essence of our being. What makes us who we are. The one thing that can’t be touched and yet shows in everything we do. It means so much, represents so much, is so much, and yet so little. 21 grams. The weight of a soul (according to legend). That’s it. That’s all. Nothing more. Just 21 grams. It’s weird to think about. Hard to wrap your mind around. How is it, that something so small, is so much of who we are? Does it even make sense to try and measure the weight of a soul? Why should it weigh anything at all? Why 21 grams? Maybe there’s some kind of significance that is beyond our ability to understand, maybe it’s significant on a plane of existence separate from this one. Don’t know. Does it matter? Maybe, maybe not. I don’t think the knowledge would make any difference for us, here and now. Just a random piece of information that some might find interesting, and some might use to freak others out. Would you be intrigued? Or would you be freaked out? 21 grams. Not much at all. The last breath we breathe out releases this 21 grams that is believed to be one’s soul. What a strange idea. What do you think? Is this something you can believe or do you think it’s a whole bunch of bullshit? Do you believe we have souls? Or do you believe that what we are now is all we are and will ever be? Have you ever really even thought about it? I’m intrigued by the idea. I like the idea that there is something more than this, though what that may be I haven’t a clue. Do we have souls? I think so. A soul is what allows us to live on in memories and such when we no longer live, and breathe. 21 grams to make us who we are to others. Crazy.

Sketching my emotions

I sketch out my emotions
drawing with my fingers
upon your chest
and running my nails
down your back

I sketch out my emotions
with every look
every stolen glance
and hidden smile
I reach for you

I sketch out my emotions
through the phone cord
when we talk
through pen
when it meets paper

I sketch out my emotions
for everyone to see
I gave up on being subtle
please don't you
give up on me

I sketch out my emotions
in pencil, chalk, and ink
I expose myself in hope
that you will be the one
to expose yourself to me

From your mouth

Words tumble from your mouth.
In one ear and out the other.
Do you think before you speak?
My mind sifts through what you say,
looking for some meaning,
trying to understand.
I'm doing my best to listen
but I'm not sure I'm hearing
all that you want me to.
Word for word.
Word by word.
You speak.
I hear.
You scream.
I listen.
What are you trying to say?
I'm trying to follow your thoughts
but you're losing me.
I watch your lips move
but I'm not sure I follow.
Do you even know what it is
that you want to say to me?
What do you want me to know?
Everything.
Nothing.
Something.
Anything.
I could listen to you for hours
trying to understand the meaning behind
the words that tumble from your mouth.