Where do I go from here?

Where do I go from here? A question I ask often these days. It's ingrained that I should move forward, move up, gain something. If that makes any sense. Take on more, gain more responsibilities, more money, more prestige, challenge myself. Why? Is there a reason I need to keep striving for something more? Is there something wrong with being content where one is, with what one already has?

From icanhascheezburger.com

Everything in between

I am strength
I am fear

I am the familiar
and the unknown

I am everything
you want me to be
and nothing
that you think I am

I am lost and forgotten
and yet a memory
that never fades

I am the first
I am the last
I am the beginning
the end
and everthing in between

Missing you

I miss you.
I miss the simplicity.

When did things get complicated?
When did life get hard?

I remember the long afternoons,
spent doing anything, nothing,
it didn't matter,
as long as it was us.

How did we go from being so close
to being so far apart?

I want the simplicity back.

...

I miss you.

And I can't help but wonder
if you miss me too...

...

Sometimes you can read me like an open book...
and sometimes I wonder if you know me at all...

Life...

where is it going? how much control do we really have? do you take control and do what you want or do you allow others to control the direction your life goes? stuck in the middle of knowing and not knowing and feeling very lost and without direction... i don't know where i'm going... i don't know where i want to be going... but regardless, life goes on...

Do you know what it takes

to give someone your heart?

Thoughts on technology

Technology brings us together and at the same time tears us apart. You can have a room full of people talking but no one is talking with anyone present. How screwed up is that? Have intentions to spend time with a friend but as soon as they're home they're calling someone else, sending emails, and playing with their iphone. Feel real special when left to entertain yourself at their house. Again, screwed up. Technology allows us to communicate in so many ways that were never dreamed possible until recently. Technology is what allows me to put this out there for you to read and consider. So, it's good and it's bad. It allows us to see the world in a way that we never could before. It allows us to go to places that we can't physically go see. It brings the world to us. But at what cost? What are we missing out on by being so technological? What's happening to simple human interaction? We're social creatures. We need interaction and physical contact. Technology allows all kinds of interaction but it tends to cut out the physical contact. And where does that leave us? Technology is the reason many people have no penmenship skills, or spelling skills for that matter. It also plays a role in fostering social awkwardness while in contrast creating a safe way for those who are uncomfortable to communicate with others. Ironic. Technology is what it is. It's the future, whether we like it or not. I just ask that you don't put technogadgits ahead of those who mean something to you. Put too much into technology and you'll become it, you'll lose what makes you human if you aren't careful. And don't forget, even the biggest grump needs a hug every once in a while.

Temptation

Temptation is a twisted kind of evil.

--

I could feel it
but he said it
and made it tangible
made it real

--

desire
passion
risk

knowing that giving in
may result
in losing everything

--

left behind
left wanting
left wondering
left without answers
but many questions

--

excitement
in the unknown
the untouchable
the thing you cannot have

knowing you can't have it
makes it something you want more
no matter how illogical that is
or how good you've got it

--

Temptation is a twisted kind of evil.

Questions and answers

Many questions and uncertainty of whether or not I really want the answers. Got a partial answer to some today and don't really know what to do with that information. My brain works in strange ways and this doesn't help.

There are some questions you don't ask because either way the answer is not beneficial except to ease the curiosity though it may result in a different curiosity leaving one no better off than they were before the question. I'm going in circles figuratively and feeling it literally, which doesn't really make sense but what are you going to do about it? Not much to do about it.

Life is what it is. It doesn't claim to be easy or make sense. It throws curve balls at you just when you think you're starting to figure it out... The world inside my head is an interesting place but I'd recommend you only stay for a visit as it can be a strange place to live...

Crazy

The random things you learn through just listening to those around you and snooping around on facebook...

Random update

Well, I was in Calgary over the weekend to see my cousin get married. Very exciting for them and it was nice to see the family. Also got to see my other cousin's new house, gorgeous. Me = jealous.

For myself, been busy working though recently cut back hours at one job so will have a little more time for myself. Slowly working my way through my photography course as well as working on learning HTML to get my own web page set up. It's a slow process but I'm getting there.

On the opposite, my man's not getting the hours he'd like to at work but at least he's still working. Could be worse. We get a little more time together these days. Looking forward to having a week off together come August and appreciating the time we have as it comes.

That's all for now.

Cheers!

Here's to new beginnings

Here's to new beginnings, not necessarily endings creating them but a fresh start none the less. There are so many ways these come about and often without us even really noticing. Though sometimes they are really obvious as well. A change in perspective and a new way of looking. Happiness, sadness, fear and excitement. A promise. A new life. A forever remembered soul and a tear shed on a pillow. We are where we are and only time will tell where we go from here. Life is funny but regardless of what happens we keep going. So here's to new beginnings and whatever they may bring.

Blacksmith

Too late for love

Too late for love

Now left to wonder
what might have been
but knowing
this is a question
that can never be answered

A question
that will torment
randomly
and univited

Thoughts
fleeting
few and far between
but never forgotten

Too late for love
such a tragedy
that what could have been
never had a chance
and will never be known
except in imagination

Random thought from Monday

It's weird to have things pointed out to you about the person you are when you're sort of aware of them but do not have any idea what to do about, particularly when you realize why you do what you do and it's not something you have contol over.

My father's daughter

I am my father's daughter
the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I am a product of my environment
and this is what I have to work with:
the things my mother has taught me,
the lessons my life has shown.
Challenges have taken me
up, down, and around.
I am who I am because of where I've been
and who I become depends on where I go,
but for better or worse,
I am
my father's daughter

(May 4, 2009)

Take me there

Take me there
to where you are
I want to touch you
feel you
breathe you in

Take me there
so I can just be
I want to know
what it's like
in your arms

Take me there
without question
I just want to follow
along the long
way you go

Take me there
to where you are
I want to be
skin on skin
breathing you in


(Inspired by: http://blanzeflor.deviantart.com/art/Take-Me-There-121041941)

Random thought

Sometimes it takes the dying to teach us how to live

In loving memory...

On April 10, 2008 I received two phone calls early in the morning at work. When my boyfriend called asking if my dad had gotten a hold of me I knew that my uncle had died. My dad phoned a few minutes later. My unlcle had been fighting sarcoma (soft tissue cancer) and at this point we knew our time with him was limited. I had been able to see my uncle the week before and appreciated the chance to share the following poem I had written for him:

So, now a year later, I remember the times with him and I want to honour him in aiming to be the type of person he was. He was a kind and gentle soul who had a way of making you feel special regardless of what else was going on. He also had a great sense of humour and was always smiling.

Here's to you, Ralph.

May you live forever in the hearts

of those whose lives you touched.

I love you.

It makes me easier to take

Introduction
by ~darker-crush

This is me.
Broken for you
into 100 swallow-able pieces.

I am easier to digest that way.

http://darker-crush.deviantart.com/art/1-Introduction-117754826

Random thought:

Not all scars are visible.

Sigh of relief

Conversation had and no harm done. Well, caused some stress but it's all good now. So we'll see where things go from here....

I'm stuck in my own head

I'm stuck in my own head with too many questions and no answers. My brain goes one way and my heart goes another leaving me twisted and contorted somewhere in the middle. I don't know which direction to go. I don't know what questions to ask. Many need to be but where do I start? And what about the ones who's answers scare me? I should not be allowed to be alone in my head. It's not a good place for me to be at times like this. Thank goodness for friends to ramble to that understand without judging me. Thank goodness for that.

I need to have a conversation....now it's a matter of figuring out where to start...

Connecting with an old friend...

Reconnecting lost connections. Picking up the pieces from the past and putting them back together to move forward. Here we are you and I, picking up where we left off. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you hurt but there's nothing I can do when I don't know what's going on. I'm sorry I didn't have you to lean on when needed but again, nothing you can do when you don't know what's going on. That's life. It tears us apart and pushes us back together in some semblance of what we used to be. I am who I am and you are who you are and we wouldn't be here without where we've been. I hope you know that, despite it all, I have loved, I do love, and I will continue to love you. I offer my hand in hopes that you'll take it, and together we can step into the unknown knowing that, if nothing else, we have each other.

Resurecting the neglected

So, I stopped posting on this and instead posted photos and poetry on deviantart. After speaking with a friend who resurected a neglected space just to rant and express whatever is on his mind at any given time I have been given cause to lean the same way. So, here we are and we'll see where things go.