something of interest to check out

http://www.lismonro.com/

invisible street walkers

a hand outstretched
an embarrassed look
a soft voice asks
"excuse me, can you spare some change?"

what do you do?
reach into your pocket
ignore the request
state you don't have any
offer to buy a meal

how many people walk by without seeing?
how many people ignore those reaching for help?

they're no different than you and i
just down on their luck
made some poor choices
and now do what they have to to survive

could you do it?
could you survive on the streets?
get by without your conveniences
without your morning coffee

do you look down on those who ask for what you can spare?
could you handle someone looking at you that way?
why is it that those who got lucky look down on those who didn't?

yeah you worked for what you've got
some did anyway
but many of those who walk the streets
have worked just as hard
life just delt them a poor hand

they are the invisible street walkers
seen by some
but generally ignored by most
turned away from
looked down on
essentially walked over

think about this
think about what you do
think about if this was you

pieces of my heart

blind my eyes
so i no longer see images of you

deafen my ears
so i no longer hear the sound of your voice

take away my sense of smell
so i never again wonder if you're near

cut out my tongue
so no taste reminds me of you

seal my lips
so i can't speak your name

tie my hands
so i don't reach for you

bind my feet
so that i can't follow you

now walk away

ignore my tears

don't look back
it'll only make things worse

just take your things and leave

i'll get the pieces of my heart
when i'm alone

Some things I've made :)

Purses

Shoulder bag (hard to tell from the pic but this bag is big enough for books and papers etc)

Poncho

Wrap

Toque (looks a little funny on me but whatever)

Baby blanket

Baby booties (modelled by Milo)

where you belong

To be...
...broken
To know...
...love despite this
To want...
...the touch of another
To feel...
...skin on skin

To be...
...starry eyed in wonder
To know...
...you are not alone
To want...
...someone to care
To feel...
...the gentle touch of love's hand

To be...
...locked in an embrace
To know...
...you don't have to let go
To want...
...to hold on forever
To feel...
...that this is where you belong

Message of the day...

Life is short,
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that
Made you smile.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we`re here we
Should dance....

(Taken from an email)

Purple tangents and skeleton key inspiration

Throw purple paint through my screaming silhouette and see what happens next. There is no understanding, only sound. A wandering eye leaves an empty head wondering why it can’t see. The volume increases – my silhouette doesn’t like purple. Couldn’t you have chosen another colour? Inspire someone with a skeleton key and see what doors you can open. Where do they lead? Past? Present? Future? Into the void. Released into the unknown and left to fend for ourselves. No map, no direction, only sound. What can you hear? Anything but screaming? My head is ringing. All I hear is buzzing. Can you make out any words? If you can, please pass them on to me because I can’t. Though, I don’t know if I’d understand them from you either. It can’t hurt to try. Well, maybe it could, but I don’t think it will. Do you still have the key? Or have you given it away? We’re at a passage and there’s a lock ahead. I’m not really sure what it’s locking as I only see the lock. Can you tell? The screams echo through my head to the point that I can no longer think. Ringing and buzzing and mass confusion. Take my hand and lead me out. Lead me away from my screaming silhouette. Oh, why did you have to choose purple?! Has the empty head found the wandering eye? It fumbles along but I don’t know if it has good or bad luck. I wonder what caught the eye’s attention causing it to wander away … I can’t imagine it would do very well for long on its own. Please take my hand. My brain’s doing its own thing and I’m afraid. Thinking too much can’t be good. There are too many tangents. Too many directions. Is there a door near by that we can try? Find out where it takes us. Anywhere is better than here. I’m drowning in screams and all I see is purple. Release me into something new. Somewhere. Anywhere. Nowhere. It doesn’t matter. Ringing. Buzzing. Skeleton key inspiration. A leap of faith and I’m gone.

So I'm a little stuck in the past....

...whatcha gonna do about it?

Looking over my last couple of posts I realize that my brain has been rather past oriented this evening/morning (whatever). Oh well, this is what happens when I have hours of silence in which my mind can wander. Been thinking a lot lately about the relationships I have and have had. Interesting to consider the way those I know and have know have impacted who I now am. Am I better than I was? I don't know but hopefully I'm at least no worse. I'm different but that's what life does, it creates change, and I'm ok with that.

...on the corner of the page

I sit down with pen in hand to write a letter to you. It's been too long, so much has happened. There is so much I want to tell you, so much I want to know but when I put pen to paper the words aren’t there. So many images flash through my mind. Memories of happier times. I remember the way it felt to put my arms around you. The way you looked at me and the way you changed me. These are so fresh in my mind despite the passage of time. I wonder if you ever realized the effect you had on me. I am who I am because of you. I am grateful for the time we had and I can’t help but wonder what might have been had a couple choices been made differently. I suppose at this point it doesn’t really matter. I shared many of my firsts with you and I hope they meant what you claimed they did. I hope you meant the words you said. You meant so much to me during the short time we shared and I think in some ways I may have meant more than I realized to you. We loved each other. We hurt each other, though I don’t think either of us really intended to. We were young and naïve (as much as we believed otherwise). I’ve grown and I’ve changed but you’re one I’ve never forgotten. I don’t know if you think of me but I hope that if you do it’s with a smile. I think of you with fondness and a bit of sadness. I wonder where life’s taken you and if our paths will ever cross again. Is it weird for me to still feel connected despite the fact that I wouldn’t claim to know you anymore? We’re connected by the past. At the present, I don’t know where you are or what you’re doing and I have no idea what the future is going to bring. All I know is that you left footprints on my heart and I will never forget that. I’m sorry for any pain I caused you and if I failed to hold strong when you reached for me. I’m sorry I let my own pain get the best of me. I hope that you know I never wanted anything but the best for you. I tried to understand… So much time has past and I stare at a blank page while a tear drops off my face, leaving a small mark on the corner of the page. I am at a loss for words…

a little bit of hope

a scent
a fleeting memory
and a random thought of you
I look around
and laugh at myself
because I know it can't be you
it's just wishful thinking
and a little bit of hope
a desire
to feel again
the way I felt with you
random memories flood my mind
a look
a touch
a connection
I can't help but wonder
what could have been
though it doesn't matter now
all I'm left with is
a fleeting memory
a scent
and a little bit of hope

From poetry.com

Bliss

is to do nothing
on a sunday afternoon

watching clouds move
leaves waving
paper flapping

a plane glides through
a fig incense burning
my favorite song playing

book open and unread

-Loretta Chang

Decisions

"It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it's mine."

- House of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski

I read this line last night and something just clicked for me. It makes so much sense and yet it's not something I've really ever considered before. Because, if you think about it, if you can't take responsibility and stand behind your own decisions, then how can you expect anyone else to stand behind you on them. Do you get what I'm saying? Really, we never know if the decision we made was right or wrong until after its been made anyway so why can't we just accept it as our own despite what happens after? I've made decisions that turned out well and decisions that didn't turn out so well, but they are decisions I have made and I'm coming to accept that. People, in general, need to learn to accept the decisions they have made whether they like the results or not. Occasionally we are given an opportunity to change decisions that were previously made and we get a second chance to make the "right" one, though it's still up to us as to whether we change the decision or not. But, who's to say whether a decision was "right" or "wrong"? I think it's all a matter of opinion. I may make a decision that someone watching me thinks is stupid, or just can't understand why I would do something like I did, but to me it might be what I need to do, for others involved or maybe just for me. So, we have to accept our decisions as ours and accept that we may have done right for us but others may not be able to understand that. I know I've walked away from good things but when doing so also knew that it was what I needed to do. I couldn't keep doing what I was doing as hard as it was to turn away, it was the decision I had made. I can accept my own choices and accept that they are why I am where I am. Can you? Are you able to take responsibility for yourself, for your actions? Do you know how you ended up where you are? We make decisions all the time. Some requiring more thought than others. Some seemingly insignificant. And some that seem like they will change everything. Our days are made up of decision after decision, whether we are consciously aware of it or not. This is why we need to learn to accept our decisions are ours regardless of whether they are "right" or "wrong", especially because we may never really know. So you know what? Fuck it, it's mine.

...

"I will always want you
I will always need you
I will always love you
... and I will always miss you."

-Haunted, Poe

"... rocking back and forth between wishful thinking and some private agony until the bar breaks. I've no fucking clue."

-House of Leaves, Mark Z. Danieleski