Welcome to the world inside my head

And just for fun...

2012-01-30T22:27:00.001-07:00

Every new beginning is some other beginning's end

2011-12-31T12:43:00.002-07:00

Another year has come and gone, and a new one soon begins. We all resolve to do better, to be better, but how hard do we really try? How many of us make the same resolutions year after year without progress? Anyone out there ever resolve to appreciate and work with what they’ve got? Instead of always aiming for the seemingly impossible or at least improbable? Most resolutions seem to revolve around our own self image – stop smoking, lose weight, exercise more. Why not resolve to do something for others? If we all aimed to do more for others and allow things to be less “me me me” the world would be a much nicer, place don’t you think? Maybe you don’t make resolutions. I’m not sure that last time that I really made a resolution. I think for this year I’m going to aim to be kinder to strangers, smile more, let go of negatives, and enjoy every day that I have. That sounds really cheesy, I know, but it’s a good cheesy and something I think more of us should aim to do. It’s not always easy, but nothing worth doing is really ever easy. The goal is to make things better, improve the day to day. If I can make someone else’s day a little simpler then I’ve done my part and it’ll give me reason to smile. :)

So, as you embark into 2012 keep others in mind while you make plans for yourself. Smile at a stranger. Hold open a door. Say please and thank you. It’s the simple things that can make all the difference.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

WISHING YOU AND YOURS THE BEST THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER!

Would you?

2011-11-02T22:03:00.000-06:00

Everyone should watch this film.

2011-09-27T05:06:00.001-06:00

Make the Connection. EARTHLINGS.com
(click the link for access to full film)

There has to be a better way...

People often talk lots without saying much

2011-09-26T03:39:00.002-06:00

How much do you think before you speak?

Do you plan your words or just spew forth verbal vomit?

Do you speak to fill the silence that seems uncomfortable?

Why should silence be uncomfortable?

Yay for doodlers!

2011-09-24T02:46:00.000-06:00

I said it anyway

2011-09-16T04:08:00.003-06:00

I had something to say but no one was there to listen. I said it anyway to put the words into the wind. Sending vibes into the universe with the hope that maybe someone, something, anyone, anything is listening and hears them. There's a desire to share and express and just be. A desire to be heard, to be understood or maybe misunderstood as things often go. Alone and waiting. Wanting. Needing. Wishing. Looking for that handhold to keep me grounded. Looking for that something special that makes it all worth it. Making everything make sense. Unrealistic? Maybe, but what good are dreams if they don't stretch you at least a little? Follow the yellow brick road and find the answers that were always inside. Look inside and find the you you left behind. The scared little girl. The little boy always putting on a brave face. The teenager with nothing to lose. The adult with everything to lose. We are our own creations, a unique work of art. Too bad most of us can't see it. All we see is flaws and mistakes. But there's beauty in that if we're willing to look for and see it. Perfection doesn't exist and if it did would be a flaw in itself. We are who we are. Accept it. Love it. Change it if you need to but only change for you because changing for someone else never works. Voice your opinions. Be yourself. Be okay with feeling uncomfortable or afraid but do things anyway. Don't let fear stop you. Get out of your own way. If you want something go for it. Forget the naysayers, what do they know anyway? Relish the feeling of accomplishing something you were told you couldn't. Reach for the sky but stay grounded. Stay true to you and aim for happiness. Whatever that may mean to you. Remember your strengths and use them. Remember who you are and share that with the world. We are all beautiful works of art that should be shared. Loved. Admired.

Quote by Marianne Williamson

2011-09-08T01:20:00.001-06:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

(A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”, Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3])

Final challenge thoughts

2011-09-01T04:03:00.003-06:00

Well, my 31st daily photo is up and its now September. My 30 days are over. How did I do? Good with some things and no so good with others. To recap:

#3 Take one picture each day (Hard)This one gets harder nearing the end of the challenge because at one point you will run out of the easy shots. This one is great to combine with other challenges, a great way to make a photo diary!
--> I did pretty good with this one I think. There were a few days where I was unable to take a new photo but still shared one from a day or two before. And I think a few days of taking 100+ photos makes up for one or two missed ones. I plan to try to consistenly share more photos maybe posting one weekly or if ambitious enough daily but not necessarily one taken that day. I'll aim to share these on my facebook page and my own webpage (once I reformat it - thinking more photoblog style is what I want). So, if you're interested keep a look out.

#13 Study a topic you’d like to master each day (Hard)Always wanted to know everything about Animal Behaviour? Psychology? Physics? Philosophy? Educate yourself without school! Pick a topic, plan at least a lecture or an assignment each day and become a genius on your passion!
--> So, not at a point of posting in Italian but still working my way through the course. I think I have at least a functional basis to work with while travelling. Going to continue working on it for my trip (27 days till we leave!) and if I don't complete it before leaving then I will continue when I get back so I complete the course.

#18 Inspire yourself each day (Easy)Studies have shown that people who are inspired are happier, nicer, productive and will not stray away from their chosen path if life gets difficult. So print a quote and tape it to the mirror. Have an inspirational video as your starting page. Use an inspirational mantra for meditation. Get a principle to live by. In short, get your dose of inspiration each day!
--> This one was definitely not a difficult challenge, especially when it's the time of year for festivals and volunteering with amazing people.

#19 Take a cold shower each day (Intermediate)Cold showers are great for uplifting ones mood, cure stress related diseases, to strengthens ones immune system and to make your skin beautiful. You can read the reports of some HEthens that have been trying it for some time over here!
--> If you were following my updates at all you already know I scrapped this one. I like my hot showers and was not finding any benefits to the cold ones so gave them up. If you like cold showers and/or benefit from them good for you. Enjoy!

#23 Wake up early each day (Intermediate)It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom. – Aristotle
--> This one didn't work out very well, mostly because of my work schedule and switching back and forth between days and nights to accomodate volunteering and other events. I tried, and for a while did well with this. Overall, I'd say it was good for me as I put effort in to doing more with my time, more things I enjoy, and not wasting time laying in bed being lazy.

#24 Keep a journal (Intermediate)Great for memory, reflection and especially awesome to look back to in the future and remember the good old times when you did these challenges!
--> Well, again this varied. Tried to regularly post on here as to how things are going and what I've been doing but sometimes I just didn't feel like writing or putting things out there so it didn't happen. I do see some benefits and maybe I should look into a private journal instead of something being posted online (even if it seems no one but me looks at it).

#26 Combine challenges (Easy)Take a photo of yourself reading a different book at a different location. Take 10,000 steps on a new route to meet a stranger and ask for a recipe to try out. Do all challenges, a different one each day. Wake up early to make time to meditate, practice self compassion and yoga. Finish it off with a cold shower!
--> I don't know how to judge the success of this one. I guess I did it as I took on multiple challenges.

#29 Meditate each day (Intermediate)
--> This is another one that didn't pan out very well. I like the idea, it still sounds like a good idea, but I had a lot of stuggles with this and often found it more frustrating than relaxing. I may try this again some time and see if I can find something that works for me but for now I'll just leave it as is.

Daily photo 31

2011-09-01T04:02:00.000-06:00

21 Big Lessons From Little Kids

2011-09-01T00:30:00.001-06:00

What kids know that you should never forget, no matter how old you are:

1. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Even when there's not a prize in the bottom of the box.

2. Sometimes it's best to be completely blunt with people, as you used to be with relatives who wanted you to do something embarrassing or tedious for a shiny quarter.

3. Asking questions is how you figure things out. Lots and lots of questions.

4. An older, wiser Gordie Lachance says in Stand By Me, "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12." Lachance is right. The trick is to try to be the friend you were when you were 12: fun-loving and loyal, with no strings attached.

5. Playing is work. Approach your downtime with all the seriousness of a 5-year-old with a secret treasure map.

6. Real guys don't dip their toes in the water. They jump right in.

7. Girls have cooties. Well, the ones you meet in certain bars do, anyway.

8. You hated it when a grown-up told you, "We'll see." It's still unacceptable. Don't say it yourself.

9. The only way to know how something works is to completely disassemble it. (This is still good advice when tackling a complex problem. Your plasma TV? Not so much).

10. There's a reason they don't give credit cards to 8-year-olds. You're supposed to save up money before you buy a new toy.

11. Your body was designed for throwing baseballs, shooting hoops, and jumping off diving boards and stuff. In the secret language of children, the word "fitness" doesn't exist. It's called "having fun."

12. Your world can be half-real and half-imaginary.

13. Homework blows. Bring work home with you and it'll ruin your night. And your marriage. And your family. And your life.

14. Too much of anything will give you a tummy ache. Like, say, bourbon.

15. If there's even the slightest doubt, hit the potty before you leave.

16. The coolest adults were the ones who took the time to listen to you. You still want to grow up to be a cool adult, right?

17. Treasure Island, Dracula: The best books are consumed after dark with a flashlight.

18. Use adrenaline as your drug of choice. You don't need beer, pot, or cigarettes to have a good time.

19. Kissing a girl on the cheek is a big deal. Kissing her lips is an even bigger deal. Seeing her naked for the first time is a major, life-altering event.

20. Going after a target in the urinal makes the time whiz by.

21. Seeing a thunderstorm roll in is better than watching HDTV. And rain isn't something to curse, but to enjoy. Hurry up, before it clears.

(Borrowed from here)

Daily photo 30

2011-08-31T04:39:00.003-06:00

How bad do you want it?

2011-08-31T02:36:00.002-06:00

How Bad Do You Want It from Greyskale Multimedia on Vimeo.

Unreal. Now if I could only figure out what I want...

Daily photo 29

2011-08-29T08:24:00.001-06:00

Now what?

2011-08-29T08:18:00.002-06:00

I've been asking myself this question a lot lately and still don't have an answer. Lots of change happening around me while many things stay the same. Not sure I'm a fan of the current status quo but uncertain as to what needs to change, what would be a better option. Various things come to mind but nothing shines as a clear answer. Any type of change is going to require a leap of faith and acceptance of being uncomfortable for a while. I don't know if I'm quite ready to do that but I am definitely getting tired of choosing unhappiness over uncertainty. I need to make a choice and just go for it. I have support from those who love me and the one who's life is intertwined with mine and would be most affected by this, so there's really no reason not to. It's just the walls I've put up in my own mind, the fears and discomfort that I haven't yet embraced. Working on that. Once I embrace that and determined that I'll be okay then I can jump and hopefully hit the ground running.

Daily photo 28

2011-08-29T01:11:00.002-06:00

Love my Dr Martens!

Daily photo 27

2011-08-27T21:32:00.002-06:00

Daily photo 26

2011-08-27T03:44:00.001-06:00

More iphone fun. :)

Daily photo 25

2011-08-26T03:31:00.000-06:00

Had some fun with a photo app on my iphone and this was my result!

Day 25

2011-08-26T03:28:00.002-06:00

I haven't written for the past few days as I really haven't had anything to say. Today's post is borrowed from highexistence.com. Enjoy!

Daily photo 24

2011-08-24T22:12:00.003-06:00

Still working my way through Fringe photos. This one is from the Late Night Cabaret on August 19.

Daily photo 23

2011-08-23T20:34:00.000-06:00

Daily photo 22

2011-08-22T18:59:00.002-06:00

Daily photo 21

2011-08-21T21:45:00.001-06:00

Another photo from a few days ago - still working my way through lots so none were taken today.

Daily photo 20

2011-08-21T19:26:00.002-06:00

Daily photo 19

2011-08-21T19:24:00.001-06:00

Day 18

2011-08-19T06:41:00.002-06:00

"Forever has no meaning
when you're living in the
moment. I wasn't ready
for that moment to end."

Amen.

(From impulse by Ellen Hopkins)

Daily photo 18

2011-08-18T20:30:00.003-06:00

This photo was actually taken on the 16th but I've been working my way through the photos of the past 3 days and wanted to share this edit. So, it's today's photo.

Daily photo 17

2011-08-18T20:29:00.000-06:00

Day 17

2011-08-18T02:26:00.002-06:00

Well there is no shortage of inspiration or photos for me. It's Fringe Festival time here and I've been out to it the last three evenings. Which, incidentally, has also worked for getting up early, so there's three challenges covered by one thing. :) Still struggling to work on my Italian course as playing with photos is more appealing but I'm going to try to get in some of both tonight. Chores are done and things are quiet. I have 4.5 hours left in my shift so should be able to fit both in.

Daily photo 16

2011-08-17T16:26:00.004-06:00

Daily photo 15

2011-08-17T16:26:00.002-06:00

What's important?

2011-08-16T03:46:00.002-06:00

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about two inches in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous - yes.

"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else were lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have time for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party, or fix the disposal.

"Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

~Author unknown

Day 15

2011-08-16T03:43:00.003-06:00

Busy weekend, busy Monday, but it's all good. Got my photos from over the weekend posted. Took lots today at the Fringe Festival but haven't had a chance to post one. Maybe tomorrow before I head out to take more - depends how organized I am and what time I get myself out of bed. Will have lots of photos and lots of inspiration this week. I love the fringe. It's so much fun and there are so many amazing people involved to make it happen.

I'm struggling to get back into the groove of my italian course but hopefully the fact that it's coming up quick and plans are being solidified will give me some incentive to get back at it. Being able to speak at least a little coherently would be preferable. So, I should get on that. Maybe after I share a story on here.

Ciao!

Daily photo 14

2011-08-15T15:04:00.002-06:00

Actually taken on the 13th but this partying was the reason I don't have one taken on the 14th.

Daily photo 13

2011-08-15T14:59:00.003-06:00

Daily photo 12

2011-08-15T14:57:00.001-06:00

Day 11

2011-08-12T02:37:00.002-06:00

So, considering how things have been going I'm modifying my challenges.

I'm opting out of the cold showers because they just aren't working for me and the idea that they're more invigorating and good for the skin is not something I've found to be accurate. I find it more invigorating to have a warm/hot shower and end it with a bit of cold and I can't say I've seen any difference in my skin except maybe that my excema seems worse with the cold water - can't say I'm a big fan of being itchy.

For the waking up early I will continue to work with this idea though my schedule's all over the place so defining early is not the easiest thing and when I have days of only 3-4 hours sleep the next day is almost guaranteed to involved 10+ hours of sleep. So, I'm going to aim not to lay around in bed needlessly. If I've gotten enough sleep I'll get up and go from there.

The meditation I'm going with trying it when it seems fitting and not trying to force myself to meditate daily. I can definitely see how it can be beneficial/useful as some simple meditation of focusing on my breath helped me through 3 hours of tattooing.

I'm continuing to take daily photos, trying to work on my Italian course daily (despite slacking on this over the past week...), being inspired - through the quote I posted as well as other things I'm finding and the people I'm around - and I'm continuing to post here, trying for daily, not always working but I'm pretty close.

The next few days I'm not at home but will aim to continue posting my daily photo and writing a little bit of something. If it doesn't work out then the photos will be posted Sunday and I'll doing some writing then.

Until next time!

"I think everybody should like everybody." ~ Andy Warhol

Daily photo 11

2011-08-11T22:10:00.002-06:00

Day 10

2011-08-11T05:46:00.004-06:00

"Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

Watched the video of this talk over the past hour and a bit and have to say I very much enjoyed it. It got me thinking about a number of things and how I live my life and how some of the things Randy speaks about fit or could fit into my life. If you have the time I definitely reccomend that you watch this video. Randy is an inspiration and it's fascinating to learn about what he did to achieve his dreams and how he's helped others to work towards achieving theirs.

I've been trying to remember what my childhood dreams were and, to be honest, I have no idea. I recall seeing a video of me and my classmates in kindergarten in which each of us talked about and showed what we wanted to be when we grew up. In this video I talked about wanting to be a mother. I haven't achieved this in the obvious sense in that I do not have any children but if you consider what I do and the role I play I'd have to say that I have achieved this. I'm a youth counsellor, which essentialy means I am a part time parent to the youth I work with. I am the caregiver, someone who never gives up on them, someone who believes in them and their dreams, and someone that's consistently there for them. Maybe one of these days I will also be a mother in the traditional sense, who knows, but either way I'm going to keep aiming to live my life the best I can and to be good to those around me.

What were your childhood dreams? Did you achieve them? Or have they been lost in time? Given up on?

And as a final note, one of the best pieces of advice in this video:
"Never lose the child-like wonder."

Daily photo 10

2011-08-10T20:07:00.002-06:00

Daily photo 9

2011-08-10T19:59:00.000-06:00

Day 8

2011-08-09T02:52:00.003-06:00

A little funny inspiration for everyone taken from an email I got somewhere along the way.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into awell. The animal cried piteously for hours asthe farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and thewell needed to be covered up anyway;

it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and beganto shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
Live simply and appreciate what you have.
Give more.
Expect less

NOW ...........
Enough of that crap . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.

Daily photo 8

2011-08-09T02:51:00.000-06:00

Day 6 and 7

2011-08-08T05:46:00.002-06:00

Didn't post on day 6 as I didn't really have anything I wanted to say.

Completing my challenges has been lacking as my schedule was shifted to volunteer at the Folk Festival all weekend. Managed the photos but did not work on my Italian course or do any meditation. Also struggling with the cold showers - I really like my showers hot and am not finding much benefit in the cold ones for me so this one may get scrapped or modified anyway, the past couple days have been hot showers with a cold ending, I'll have to decide whether or not to continue with this one. I also have to look at the meditation. It sounds like a good idea but I'm struggling with the motivation to actually give it a decent shot which is resulting in trouble quieting my mind enough, trouble sitting still, and leading to disinterest in it and a little frustration, so this may not pan out either. Otherwise, I still see my inspirational picture and words daily and work on finding inspiration in other things as well and now that I'll be back into a more consistent schedule I'll work on the getting up early, and get back to my Italian course as well.

Have a fantastic week!

Daily photo 7

2011-08-07T11:56:00.002-06:00

Daily photo 6

2011-08-07T11:55:00.001-06:00

Day 5

2011-08-06T00:19:00.001-06:00

Well, today's a bit of a write off as far as the challenges go but I'm okay with that. Had a fabulous relaxing afternoon, a good volunteer shift, and went to see the Conan movie with Herbie and James this evening. Now just hanging out at home, relaxing till it's bedtime. Tomorrow is more volunteering and planning to see K T Tunstall in the evening. :)

Ciao

Daily photo 5

2011-08-06T00:17:00.001-06:00

Day 4

2011-08-05T00:48:00.002-06:00

Today has been a long day so I really don't have much to say at the moment. Got my photo and my cold shower, a few minutes of meditation, tons of inspiration, no Italian, and was up early to volunteer at 9am. Had a fantastic volunteer shift and evening of music at the Folk Festival. After a day full of sun and fresh air I'm wiped and will crash soon. So, that's really all I have for now.

Ciao

Daily photo 4

2011-08-05T00:44:00.001-06:00

Day 3

2011-08-03T20:07:00.003-06:00

Well, today's a bit of a write off as far as some of the challenges. I was up for about 22 hours, slept for a couple hours, up again now for a bit but pretty sure I'll be in bed soon. Had a fabulous morning with one of my best friends which leaves me inspired and pumped. So, that's awesome but at this point studying is not going to happen and I'm thinkin neither is the meditation, but I'm okay with that. Volunteering over the next few days and that's always inspiring. Will aim to fit in some studying and meditation along with continuing the photos over the next few day despite the wonky schedule. We'll see how the next few days go and will get back to a more regular schedule and back into some kind of swing of things next week.

Lookin forward to the music!

Ciao!

Daily photo 3

2011-08-03T20:05:00.001-06:00

Day 2

2011-08-03T05:35:00.002-06:00

Buon giorno! Come va?

Journal/Blog day 2

Was a little more successful with the meditation this time around. Got a few minutes in before I slept and a little more this evening before heading to work. Still struggling to clear my mind and focus but a little at a time I'll get there.

Was up around 5pm today and took and posted my photo for the day. Got into a cold shower again. I think I'm going to struggle to take a cold shower every day for 30 days as it's tough and I like really hot showers. But, I'll keep trying and we'll see what happens.

Spent almost an hour and a half on my Italian course today. I'm almost finished the second level (there are 5 levels, each with 4 units of 4 lessons). Bravo! Yay me!

Working on maintaining some inspiration. I see the words on my mirror and again on the computer at work. I find myself checking my attitude more often to ensure I'm looking at the positive and not just dwelling on the negative. :)

The next few days are going to be wonky as I'm going to be essentially functioning on naps. As I mentioned in the last entry I work nights but I'm off for the next few days and will be volunteering at the Folk Festival (woot!) so I'll be a little all over the place. This puts getting up early out of the running because if one is going off of naps what is early? Ha ha. Anyway, I'm aiming to keep up with the rest of the tasks. Wish me luck!

Questo è tutto per ora.
Ciao!

Daily photo 2

2011-08-02T19:26:00.001-06:00

Day 1

2011-08-02T05:54:00.007-06:00

Buon giorno!

My journal/blog for day 1.
So far so good.

Found my inspiration for the month:

For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; And for everything you gain, you lose something else. It is about your outlook towards life. You can either regret or rejoice.

(photo here - it is my current desktop background at work and a printed copy is on my mirror)

I was able to get up early (for me) today at 4:30pm - I work nights so I get home between 7:30 and 8:00am and am often not up till around 7:00pm lately. Therefore, I did well with this one. :)

Took and posted my photo this afternoon (see previous post) and had a cold shower - wow is that ever tough to get into intially, had to start warm and work into colder, but I did it. And as far as my studying I spent the past 1.5-2 hours working on my Italian course. Parla con me?

My challenge today has definitely been the meditation. I couldn't focus or get my thoughts to stop long enough to be successful before work, maybe I'll have better luck this morning before I sleep. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

Until then remember: Attitutde is a little thing that makes a big difference.

Ciao!

Daily photo 1

2011-08-01T18:01:00.002-06:00

30 Day Challenge

2011-08-01T04:15:00.003-06:00

*Inspired by: High Existence

Was reading articles on high existence and came across one on 30 challenges for 30 days (see above link) and was inspired to take on a few for myself through the month of August. The ones I have chosen are:

#3 Take one picture each day (Hard)
This one gets harder nearing the end of the challenge because at one point you will run out of the easy shots. This one is great to combine with other challenges, a great way to make a photo diary!
--> I will try to post each photo here.

#13 Study a topic you’d like to master each day (Hard)
Always wanted to know everything about Animal Behaviour? Psychology? Physics? Philosophy? Educate yourself without school! Pick a topic, plan at least a lecture or an assignment each day and become a genius on your passion!
--> I've been slowly working on learning Italian for an upcoming trip and have been slacking so this should help me get back on track. Maybe by the end of the month I'll post in Italian.

#18 Inspire yourself each day (Easy)
Studies have shown that people who are inspired are happier, nicer, productive and will not stray away from their chosen path if life gets difficult. So print a quote and tape it to the mirror. Have an inspirational video as your starting page. Use an inspirational mantra for meditation. Get a principle to live by. In short, get your dose of inspiration each day!
--> Now to find an appropriate quote.

#19 Take a cold shower each day (Intermediate)
Cold showers are great for uplifting ones mood, cure stress related diseases, to strengthens ones immune system and to make your skin beautiful. You can read the reports of some HEthens that have been trying it for some time over here!
--> I don't mind the occasional cold shower but a month straight...

#23 Wake up early each day (Intermediate)
It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom. – Aristotle
--> I like my sleep, this should be interesting.

#24 Keep a journal (Intermediate)
Great for memory, reflection and especially awesome to look back to in the future and remember the good old times when you did these challenges!
--> I'm going to keep my journal here so aiming for daily posts.

#26 Combine challenges (Easy)
Take a photo of yourself reading a different book at a different location. Take 10,000 steps on a new route to meet a stranger and ask for a recipe to try out. Do all challenges, a different one each day. Wake up early to make time to meditate, practice self compassion and yoga. Finish it off with a cold shower!
--> I think my list covers this.

#29 Meditate each day (Intermediate)
--> Seems like a good way for a little "me time" every day.

And so here begins my 30 days challenges. :)

Tim Harford: Trial, error and the God complex | Video on TED.com

2011-07-21T01:51:00.001-06:00

Entertaining and thought provoking talk that I thought I'd share.

Wake up and dream

2011-06-30T01:17:00.003-06:00

Live the life you always wanted.
Take a leap of faith and reach,
no one's going to do it for you.
What are you waiting for?
What's holding you back?
I'd hazard a guess
that it's you.
Your own fears,
worries,
and what ifs...
Let them go.
They don't matter.
All we have is here and now,
better make the best of it.
Or you'll only be left with
thoughts of what might have been.
Better to regret what you've done
than to regret that you never tried.

K. Flay

2011-05-06T01:13:00.002-06:00

Was introduced to her music and this video by a friend of mine and I'm diggin it. Check it out!

K. Flay live at the Pheonix

I miss you

2011-05-06T01:08:00.001-06:00

Maybe I do...

but maybe what I really miss is the idea of you...

Some things are better left unsaid, some questions better off unasked, but some demand and persist until you don't have a choice...

2011-05-04T00:36:00.004-06:00

Dear old friend,

What do I mean to you now? If anything at all...

You say you'll be in my city for a show but won't be able to visit - so why did you tell me? Were you testing to see what response you would get? Looking for a reaction? Testing the water maybe...I don't know what to make of this.

Then, a random three word message: "I miss you" - my mind goes off on all kinds of tangents with nowhere to land because I don't know where you stand and I'm scared to ask. Uncertain as to whether or not I really want an answer.

My mind wanders. I remember seemingly simpler times...easy conversation about anything and everything...curling up on the couch watching movies...lying on the trampoline to watch the stars...dancing...cheesecake...late night coffee...you were my rock, the one I could lean on, and trust to catch me - or carry me on occasion - and I want to thank you for that.

I also want to apologize for any time that I have taken you for granted, I never meant to...

--

Time marches on. Life gets in the way. Things get complicated - though this is likely only because we make it that way. Choices are made, chances are missed, and we go on trying to make the best of what we've got.

--

I miss you. I miss the friendship that we had. My mind reels with what ifs, and questions of what might have been, despite knowing I'll never get any answers because I can't change the past, I can't go back and redo things.

I reached a point of acceptance - at least I thought I did - accepting that our lives went different directions and I don't mean what I once did to you. But that doesn't stop me from caring or thinking about you and wondering if you're happy.

Maybe the connection we shared is still there just waiting for the right contact to reconnect and complete the circuit... I miss what we shared before and part of me continues to wonder if there should have been something more... I'm afraid to ask. I don't know what I would do with the answer and I don't know if I could handle it. Maybe it's all in my head...

--

You are one of the few that I have ever felt really connected with, believed that you really got me and I'm thankful for having shared that. I'm thankful that you have been a part of my life and will cherish what we shared and the memories we created. I hope that I've been good to you and have been the friend you needed me to be.

I would love the chance to get to know you the way I used to and to build on the easy friendship we've shared but I leave that up to you. I'm afraid to open myself up to find it to be one-sided but I'm willing if you are.

With love from your old friend

one more pill

2011-04-15T01:23:00.002-06:00

spewing words into the void
talking
not really saying anything
not believing most of the words that come out of your own mouth
but still talking
why?
to hear the sound of your own voice?
to drown out the frightening silence?
to stop the voices in your head?
do you even know?
probably doesn't really matter
no one's really listening anyway
they're in their own little worlds
dealing with their own skeletons and demons
do we even really know each other?
there are so many things that allow us to connect
but very little that actually keeps us connected
that requires effort
and care
and the risk of getting hurt
and most of us are not okay with that
most of us aren't willing
to open up that much to ourselves
let alone to someone else
and we're so self-absorbed that we probably wouldn't even notice
or care
if someone opened the door
to let us into their world for a while
it's sad really
so many of us
spend our lives
alone together
no wonder there's a pill out there for every problem
no one wants to talk about what's actually going on
we want that quick fix
the bandaid solution
doesn't matter if it's not really a solution
it's better than it is without it

we are a damaged species
and we just keep digging the knife in
a little further
a little more
one more pill
and maybe it won't hurt anymore...

The rules of life from a wise, old homeless cat:

2011-04-08T21:53:00.004-06:00

1) Ask for help when you need it.
2) Accept help when it's offered.
3) Take only what you need.
4) Respect the "Rules of the House."
5) Send a thank you note. (Or a dead mouse.)
6) Be open to new friends.
7) Be true to who you are.
8) If you find something that give you joy - like sailing by a woman on her way upstairs - do it with all your heart.

It would be a better world if we followed Spike's rules of life. Yes, I think he has it exactly right.

(This entry is from a story titled "The Purrfect Guest" by Vicki Kitchner printed in Chicken Soup for the Soul: What I learned from the Cat)

Need to write...

2011-04-08T21:36:00.007-06:00

...but I don't know what it is that I want to say. I can feel it inside and the need for it to get out but I'm not sure what words to use to express myself.

--

Feeling lost and alone
though I know I'm not

alone.

--

Confused and uncertain and not knowing how to respond. Proud of what I made but unsure what to do with the reaction. No harm no foul, right? I'm not sure. I guess that depends on where you're standing.

--

Going round in circles in my head.
Going nowhere fast.
Doesn't really matter.
I guess it just wasn't meant to last.

2011-01-14T00:00:00.001-07:00

I can handle anything for 60 seconds...

2011-01-13T23:59:00.001-07:00

Everything is temporary...

Sexy is an attitude

2010-12-17T04:54:00.002-07:00

It's not a body.
It's not a shape.
It's not a colour.
It's not the clothes (or lack of).
It's not the hair.

It's an attitude.
It's a state of mind.
It's you.
It's me.
It's everyone.

Chew on that for a while.

Thoughts on lyrics

2010-12-15T00:34:00.003-07:00

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
~Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons

It's interesting to me how I relate to different lyrics. I really connect with these few lines lately though I couldn't really tell you why. I guess it has something to do with my state of mind recently and the questions that run through my head without answers. Curiosities, questions, decisions, no answers, no making any decisions. Concerned about hurting those close to me without meaning to, without knowing. I am who I am and I accept that. I also accept the fact that many don't understand and I can't explain. Ups, downs, laughing, crying, wanting to break free, wanting to curl up and hide. It's all there and yet it's nothing. It is what it is and I just have to stay on and ride it out. Somewhere along the way it evens out, it has to. If nothing else, I do know that there are a few I can count on to be along for the ride and regardless of what happens they'll still love me and accept me as I am. That I am grateful for, as I know not everyone can say that. The journey continues and I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and enjoy the scenery. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way and will keep in mind that I'm beautiful like me.

2010-11-25T23:18:00.001-07:00

"Who's gonna miss you when you're gone?"
- Danny Michel

The things that connect us...

2010-11-23T03:58:00.003-07:00

vs the things that keep us connected.

They are not the same. Do you understand the difference? As technology increases there are more ways to connect with others than ever before but are they really keeping us connected or pushing us farther apart? How many people do you interact with electronically that you have never met face to face? Probably more than you've interacted with in person. Scary thought. The world is not going to be taken over by robots, the way technology is headed we're going to become robots. We're going to be incapable of real interactions, feelings, life. What kind of life would it be to never really hear someone laugh, or see them smile? What would it be like to never feel the touch of another, never breathe in someone else's smell? I don't even want to imagine. I know it's a little contradictory to be putting this out on the internet given that I'm talking about human interaction vs technological interaction but whatever. Give me a break, I'm just trying to share some thoughts. I do my best to use technology to set up real interactions and keep in touch with those who are too far away to visit easily. I try minimize the technological interactions as I like real life. I like getting hugged and breathing in the scent of someone else. I like conversations over coffee that end in fits of laughter. There's something to be said about being able to capture moments in time in a way that makes them indefinite but you've got to remember to live these moments too because without them we have nothing.

Live every moment or you'll miss something.

From the movie "Synecdoche, New York"

2010-11-03T01:48:00.001-06:00

Minister: Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.

Random quote found via stumbleupon

2010-10-07T03:13:00.001-06:00

Think of a window:
it's a hole in a wall but through it
the whole room fills with light.
Similarly, when the mind is open
and free from his own thoughts,
life unfolds effortlessly,
and the world is filled with light.

Chuang Tzu

And just because it's October...

2010-10-01T03:46:00.001-06:00

History of Halloween

There is mixed information as to the origins of Halloween despite it being one of the most popular party dates for adults in America. Despite not being connected with a particular religion, Halloween manages to combine spirituality, death, and religious beliefs together in our minds. Most sources seem to agree that the name "Halloween" has come from “All Hallows Eve” which referred to the night before “All Hallows Day” or All Saints Day (a Christian holiday). On this day they honour all the Saints in heaven through prayers and offerings.

Halloween is also connected with the Celtic tradition of Samhain. Samhain marked the end of summer and beginning of winter, also referred to as the Celtic New Year. On this night it is believed that the boundary between the living and dead becomes blurred and the spirits of the dead are able to return to earth. Costumes were used by people to deter spirits from possessing their bodies or making themselves unrecognizable to the spirits.

Trick-or-treating is another favourite tradition associated with this holiday. Who doesn’t like free candy? As to where this tradition comes from, the results are mixed. Some information says that it may come from the All Souls Day parades during which poor folks would beg for food, then receive “soul cakes” in return for prayers for the dead and “souling” – the practice of leaving food and wine for roaming spirits. Other information relates it to Samhain traditions of opening doors and providing food to the wandering dead which led to people dressing up as wandering dead and demanding food. And still other information points to it being a way to counteract the pranks and destruction that would occur with the holiday.

And we can’t forget the Jack-o-lantern. Again, the background for this is unclear. There is some Irish folklore that relates back to a man named Jack who tricked the devil then made a deal with him that resulted in him being refused entry into both Heaven and Hell. He was provided with a single ember to light his way which was placed in a hollowed out turnip to keep it glowing longer. Pumpkins were found to be more plentiful in America so they were used instead of turnips. Pumpkins are also recognized a part of the Native Americans’ sacred trinity of squash, beans, and maize – which is also seen in the form of candy corn and as part of Halloween decorations.

So, this Halloween take a moment to remember where your own traditions come from and watch out for spirits looking for a body.

(Information gathered from urbanlegends.about.com, www.history.com, and www.theholidayspot.com)

Forever in memories

2010-09-18T04:35:00.000-06:00

I'm slowly beginning to accept the reality that I am no longer an important part of your life. As I think about it, I probably haven’t been for a while and it likely goes both ways. That makes me sad even knowing that it’s part of life, especially when life takes us in different directions. I thought I would see you, talk to you, more than I have. I don’t blame you. It’s just the way things went. I can’t help but think sometimes where we might be had a couple things happened differently. I guess it just fits the idea that people are in your life, or you’re in theirs, for a reason or a season. Occasionally there are bonds made that last a lifetime but these are few and far between. The elusive gem that we’re all searching for, and some of us are lucky enough to find. You and I were not meant to be lifetime friends, well not close ones anyway. I’m coming to accept it, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Anyway, just wanted to put it out there. It is what it is and that’s okay. I just want you to know that I love you and I’m grateful for the time we shared and the person you helped me become.

9/11

2010-09-11T04:38:00.002-06:00

Just realized that it's now 9/11. It's weird to think about. Definitely a good reminder of our mortality and how quickly things can change. Also, makes one question some of the things we consider truth, given that there are so many conflicting stories/beliefs around what happened that day. There's someone to blame yet the investigation is ongoing...because that makes perfect sense. It has been often shown that the best way to control people is through fear. When people are afraid they look for someone to tell them what to do so that they no longer have to be afraid or they at least have a specific target for their fear and therefore feel more in control and less afraid. Fear is often a strong and uncomfortable emotion for people. We look for ways to reduce the fear or remove the object of our fear. For example, someone who is afraid of the dark turns lights on therefore removing the source of their fear. Caught part of a show the other day looking at the conspiracy theories around the 9/11 events of 2001. Hard to figure out what the truth is when there are so many ways to interpret any given data/observations/happenings/etc. Some make more sense than others to different people. I still find it hard to believe that the towers collapsed solely as a result of being hit. Mainly because I don't understand how impact 3/4 of the way up would effect the support/foundation of the floors below. I understand that the floors above where the impact was would lose support and come down but why would that cause the whole building to fall apart? I know there was something said about the way the building was built in the first place and something about how the momentum of the falling floors would cause the ones below to collapse but I don't get that. They supported the weight of the above floors before why would the lack of space between floors change that? Anyway....that's my little rant for now. Don't know if it makes any sense and it doesn't really matter. It was a tragedy but it's in the past, all we can hope for now is that we as people in general learned something from it.

I raise my proverbial glass to those who lost their lives, were injured, or lost loved ones and hope that over time they have been able to find some kind of peace with what happened.

Hello,

2010-09-11T04:35:00.002-06:00

Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can here me
Is there anyone home?

Random "a-ha!" moment

2010-08-11T16:45:00.003-06:00

Do you ever feel that something happened because you needed it to? Someone came into you life at a particular time or you gained a piece of information at just the right moment? I've felt this and believe that some things are just meant to happen. The things that help us to remain headed in the direction we are supposed to go. I don't think everything's set in stone prior to things happening but I do think there are certain things we are meant to do and experience.

Last week was a rough week for me emotionally. I was a little all over the place and to some degree or other questioning a lot of things in my life. Sunday morning when I came home from work I picked up Chuck Klosterman's book - SEX, DRUGS, AND COCOA PUFFS (A LOW CULTURE MANIFESTO) - and read the following:

"No woman will ever satisfy me. I know that now, and I would never try to deny it. But this is actually okay, because I will never satisfy a woman, either."

My first thought reading this was "what?" but as I continued to read it made perfect sense. In the first chapter/essay of the book he talks about what movies and general culture has done to our expectations of what love and relationships should be. He uses When Harry met Sally as an example and discusses the fact that this is rarely how it goes in life. He states that more often the scenerio is that one person falls for their friend and the friend has no idea and in most cases does not return the feelings, thus leaving the person likely shit out of luck. Klosterman generally points out the fact that hollywood and our culture more generally has created these unrealistic expectations that we all measure our relationships against one way or another to be left unsatisfied because they don't match up. In reading this I came to realize that I need to stop wondering about what might be, might have been, etc. as realistically it's never going to be. Reality is never going to match the "hollywood ideal" or for that matter, my own mind's creation. It just doesn't work that way. I've established that I need to appreciate what I have and stop worrying about what I don't have. Focus on what's right in front of me and making it the best it can be. Accept my life for what it is and the fantasies for what they are and the fact that they will never be one and the same unless I base my fantasies on reality instead of trying to do it the other way around.

Thanks Klosterman, I needed that.

Life is what it is. Take it for that and nothing more.

LOVE AND THE REALITY

2010-08-06T02:54:00.003-06:00

HOW DO I LET YOU KNOW WHO I REALLY AM

WHEN IT'S SO HARD TO OPEN UP 'CAUSE IT'S SO HARD TO FORGET PAIN

MEMORIES COME TO MIND BLADES GO THROUGH THE HEART

TEARS COME INTO EYES THE SOUL RIPS APART

HELP ME TO FIGHT WHAT NOW SHOULD NOT EXIST

HELP ME STAND UP TO FEAR SO I CAN HAVE WHAT I HAVE MISSED

I'M TRUE TO ME TO YOU I'LL NEVER LIE

I'LL KNOW IF YOU'RE NOT HONEST BY LOOKING IN YOUR EYES

A HURTING HEART IS SOMETHING I HOPE YOU NEVER WILL ENDURE

IT NEVER LEAVES TOO SOON OF THAT YOU CAN BE SURE

INSTEAD IT LINGERS ON NOT HINTING WHERE IT ENDS

EVEN IF YOU POUR IT OUT TO YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND

WHERE ARE ANSWERS STORED AND WHO HOLDS THE KEYS

WHO CAN HELP ME OPEN UP THE PRISON INSIDE OF ME

IF YOU CAN BE REAL HELP TO GUIDE ME THROUGH

I MAY BE ASKING A LOT BUT I WOULD DO IT FOR YOU

(found this in the front of a 12 step book and could relate to it, signature at the bottom of the page was illegible, so the author is unknown)

What if...

2010-08-04T02:21:00.002-06:00

This has to be one of the worst tracks for my train of thought to go down. It causes me to question every choice I've made that has gotten me to where I am. I wonder what might have happened if I had done this instead of that. I wonder if there's still a possibility of rekindling the past. Things I shouldn't wonder if I want to live in today and appreciate and take care of what I have but I can't help it. It's just the way my mind works. Something's off lately, something seems to be missing but I don't know what. Obviously, if I did know I could do something about it, at least theoretically. I wonder about past relationships that have changed or been lost. I wonder about the ones I love and have loved and wonder if they think of me. I want to know if I missed something amazing and if so, will I get another chance to experience it? Too many questions leading to more questions, driving me in circles of confusion. I don't want to lose what I have but I can't help the curiousity of what I could have had if I had made a different choice. There was passion and care and love and I didn't take it when I had the chance. Tried to obtain it at another possible opportunity but nothing came of it. Maybe that means something and I should let it go. If only it were that easy...my brain, and apparently my heart, don't work that way. I am who I am and the choices I've made have gotten me here. I need to find a way to accept that for what it is and go from here. I need to stop living in my head, in the past, and live in today for tomorrow. I can't go back so why can't I stop thinking about it. I need a good cry, a good friend, and a hug.

The Wiccan Rede (Full Version)

2010-07-02T04:16:00.002-06:00

Bide within the Law you must, in perfect Love and perfect Trust.

Live you must and let to live, fairly take and fairly give.

For tread the Circle thrice about to keep unwelcome spirits out.

To bind the spell well every time, let the spell be said in rhyme.

Light of eye and soft of touch, speak you little, listen much.

Honor the Old Ones in deed and name,

let love and light be our guides again.

Deosil go by the waxing moon, chanting out the joyful tune.

Widdershins go when the moon doth wane,

and the werewolf howls by the dread wolfsbane.

When the Lady's moon is new, kiss the hand to Her times two.

When the moon rides at Her peak then your heart's desire seek.

Heed the North winds mighty gale, lock the door and trim the sail.

When the Wind blows from the East, expect the new and set the feast.

When the wind comes from the South, love will kiss you on the mouth.

When the wind whispers from the West, all hearts will find peace and rest.

Nine woods in the Cauldron go, burn them fast and burn them slow.

Birch in the fire goes to represent what the Lady knows.

Oak in the forest towers with might, in the fire it brings the God's

insight. Rowan is a tree of power causing life and magick to flower.

Willows at the waterside stand ready to help us to the Summerland.

Hawthorn is burned to purify and to draw faerie to your eye.

Hazel-the tree of wisdom and learning adds its strength to the bright fire burning.

White are the flowers of Apple tree that brings us fruits of fertility.

Grapes grow upon the vine giving us both joy and wine.

Fir does mark the evergreen to represent immortality seen.

Elder is the Lady's tree burn it not or cursed you'll be.

Four times the Major Sabbats mark in the light and in the dark.

As the old year starts to wane the new begins, it's now Samhain.

When the time for Imbolc shows watch for flowers through the snows.

When the wheel begins to turn soon the Beltane fires will burn.

As the wheel turns to Lamas night power is brought to magick rite.

Four times the Minor Sabbats fall use the Sun to mark them all.

When the wheel has turned to Yule light the log the Horned One rules.

In the spring, when night equals day time for Ostara to come our way.

When the Sun has reached it's height time for Oak and Holly to fight.

Harvesting comes to one and all when the Autumn Equinox does fall.

Heed the flower, bush, and tree by the Lady blessed you'll be.

Where the rippling waters go cast a stone, the truth you'll know.

When you have and hold a need, harken not to others greed.

With a fool no season spend or be counted as his friend.

Merry Meet and Merry Part bright the cheeks and warm the heart.

Mind the Three-fold Laws you should three times bad and three times good.

When misfortune is enow wear the star upon your brow.

Be true in love this you must do unless your love is false to you.

These Eight words the Rede fulfill:

"An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will"

From http://www.wicca.com/celtic/wicca/rede.htm

the writing on the wall

2010-06-26T06:02:00.002-06:00

tells you what to do
who to call
and where to go

sometimes you understand
and other times
it's incomprehensible

but it's always there
regardless
of whether or not
you get it

a piece of advice
that you can take
or leave behind

that choice is yours
but the writing on the wall
always remains

Dreams and memories

2010-06-12T04:52:00.006-06:00

I had a dream about you last night.
~I haven't thought about you in months.~
I stole a phone.

We ran away laughing.

You told me you had six new tattoos.
~I remember the flaming evil smiley face.~
I slipped and fell into your arms.
~And fell all over again.~
Your touch felt so real, so familiar.

~Surprised me to remember so clearly.~
You said you loved me.
~I melted.~
I woke up;

hazy and confused,
feeling lost and alone.
~Broke my heart, again.~

just the wind

2010-04-23T05:55:00.002-06:00

Arthouse theatre
thunder in the background
rain pounding at the door
some ungodly hour
and you could swear
you heard a knock at the door
you don't know how
but you know
this is not
the opportunity
you were waiting for
again
but louder
there's no denying it now
but you continue
to pretend
it's just the wind
and nothing more

You'll never soar

2010-04-23T05:18:00.000-06:00

if you don't let go
of what's holding you down

Strange things

2010-04-16T04:35:00.003-06:00

It leaves a weird feeling and uncertainties when one is told to be careful about what one says to who in regards to people that one thought one was able to speak more or less freely with.

Dear friend,

2010-04-04T02:38:00.002-06:00

You fascinated me. You still do.

You have inspired me in so many ways. Lots of which you probably don't even know.

You helped shape the person I was, am, and will become. I don't think you know what you've meant to me since when we were together I don't think I knew, and I definitely did not have the words. And now that we're apart, I've lost the chance to share the words that I have found.

Maybe this letter will find you and if it does I hope it finds you well. I am who I am because of you. Sometimes I wonder who I would be if you had not been there when you were but I'm always glad that I am me and you were there. I like who I am even if sometimes I spend too much time in my head, in the past, and wondering what might have been. I am here, in the now and looking forward to what comes next.

Thank you friend, for being you and allowing me to be me. I send my love to you wherever you may be and wonder if you ever think of me...

~Forbsie

Love letters to the past

2010-04-03T06:13:00.001-06:00

Writing love letters to the past. To you, to him, to her, even to me. It may seem like a futile task but really it’s a labour of love. A way of recognizing, accepting, and maybe even appreciating, what was and what could never be. A way of saying thank you, and giving a nod to what has made me who I am. No one needs to read them but they are available if you want to. I just put pen to paper and let the words flow, remembering, reliving, just being. Feeling the love and leaving it there to share with someone, no one, everyone. It is what it is. Take it or leave it. If it works for you, great! If not, I wish you luck in finding something that does.

This is me now signing off. Sending my love. xo

Something to think about

2010-04-03T03:57:00.003-06:00

90 people get the swine flu and everyone wants to wear a mask.
A million people have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom.

(Found using stumbleupon http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2EgOT3/i143.photobucket.com/albums/r140/rwruppel/Swineflu.jpg)

2010-04-02T06:50:00.002-06:00

"Cherish your solitude. Take trains by yourself to places you have never been. Sleep alone under the stars. Learn how to drive a stick shift. Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. Say no whenever you don't want to do something. Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees. Decide whether you want to be liked or admired. Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you're doing here. Believe in kissing."
- Eve Ensler (author of The Vagina Monologues)

Faith

2010-04-02T03:52:00.003-06:00

Faith is often blind, a given because it's what you have been told your entire life, but what happens when you question it? When you can no longer believe blindly, just because someone is telling you to? The idea of faith fascinates me, particularly when it comes to religion. The religious faith that some people possess is almost unbelievable. The way that people can take what they are being told and incorporate it without question is something I don't understand. What is also interesting to me, is how the level of security one has with their faith impacts how they handle questions and conversations involving religion and beliefs. From what I have observed, one who is secure in his/her faith is less argumentative and more willing to just generally discuss. They will agree to disagree as needed. On the other hand, one who is less secure and therefore likely has more of his/her own questions that need answers, is more argumentative and more apt to aim at convincing someone else that his/her beliefs are correct. I’ve noticed that the ones that are not entirely sure and potentially even questioning their own beliefs are also more likely to be defensive if you bring up something contradictory to their beliefs. Where someone who’s faith is solid won’t argue with you as they won’t be swayed from what they believe regardless of what you put in front of them.

Just a little something to think about.

Time flies

2010-04-01T05:29:00.003-06:00

So, I can't believe it's already April.....that's crazy. Time goes way too fast. So much has changed in the past few weeks and yet everything seems so much the same. I got my hands on a number of things from my childhood as my parents are downsizing. Some of the photos are pretty funny. Maybe I'll post a couple when I have a chance, we'll see. Interesting to see how things have changed when you look back at where you've been in contrast to where you are. Something else to consider is the fact that a photo is a physical reminder of a specific moment in time. Things are not the same and you are no longer the person in that photo. This comes to mind from a comment a friend of mine made in this regard. Anyway, just got to go with it or life will leave you behind.

That's my random ramblings for this morning....I need sleep.....

2010-03-09T05:46:00.001-07:00

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." – Ernest Hemingway

2010-03-09T04:59:00.001-07:00

"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature." – Frank Lloyd Wright

Challenge

2010-03-02T06:55:00.001-07:00

Well, I've decided to take on 101 things in 1001 days. You can follow my progress here: http://erin101thingsin1001days.blogspot.com/ if you're interested. There's also a link there to more info on the challenge.

Random Quotes

2010-02-27T06:05:00.002-07:00

Watch your thoughts; they become words.Watch your words; they become actions.Watch your actions; they become habits.Watch your habits; they become character.Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
—Lao-Tze

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
—Will Rogers

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
—Robert Wilensky

We learn something every day, and lots of times it’s that what we learned the day before was wrong.
—Bill Vaughan

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
—Cyril Connolly

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
—Ellen Parr

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.
—Oscar Wilde

Random joke found on the Psychology Today webpage

2010-02-26T06:42:00.002-07:00

How do you get a nun pregnant?

You dress her up like an alter boy, of course.

A dashboard Jesus

2010-02-21T04:36:00.000-07:00

A dashboard Jesus, the religious equivalent of a hula girl.

Not really sure what to think. As a non-believer I can’t say I find it offensive. More curious than anything, I suppose. I can’t imagine who would buy it. I’m sure many find it funny, but why would they spend money on it? Though, I guess somebody must or they wouldn’t make them. I wonder what Jesus would think if he were around. Personally, I’d be a little weirded out to find a small version of me intended to sit on the dash of one’s car. But maybe that’s just me. Maybe he’d think it’s cool. I suppose for some a dashboard Jesus may be their way of having their own personal Jesus, as various people sing and preach about. A potentially warped idol but whatever works for you. This is just my two cents. Take it or leave it as you wish.

(Written October 26, 2007 Just found it and thought I'd post it because it amuses me.)

Double standard

2010-02-21T04:30:00.002-07:00

It's funny that because I work night shifts it is perfectly acceptable for me to have breakfast at the bar but it's shocking and wrong for me to have a drink when I get home before I go to bed.

Interesting....